Sinning in Forgiveness

Forgiveness. It's a beautiful thing. Have you ever experienced it? Really? I want to address possible issues that arise out of quasi forgiveness. I want to address both sides of the equation.

 
The forgiven. It’s amazing to be forgiven. Where once your heart was crushed under the weight of your wrong doing, you are now free to breathe again. But are you? Are you living in that freedom? Breathing without difficulty? Is your mind free from the slander of your conscience? Or, are you still beating yourself up over it? If you are a religious person, are you playing God? Judging and convicting yourself over and over again? Telling yourself that you are too far gone for God to pardon you. Thinking that your sin is greater than God could possibly handle. Sounds crazy, right? In your forgiveness, it’s possible that you are sinning….again. It is important that we remember that we have wronged. But sometimes people get confused as to the reason that God has given us this ability. He didn’t give it to us so that we should grow to hate ourselves forever. We should be reminded that no matter what we do, he can forgive us! It’s not about us(how awful we are), it’s about him(how wonderful he is)! So truly be forgiven and accept that gift.

 
The forgiver. It’s soul crushing sometimes, when we are hurt by others. Especially from those we love. Does it help when they ask for forgiveness? Maybe. But it’s just words, right? It takes a long time for us to believe someone is truly sorry. That’s because actions speak louder than words. We have no control over them. We lose trust and are afraid to expose ourselves to them again. We may hold back a part of ourselves and grow callous to them. Sometimes we may even punish them silently while planning a payback that we justify. Have we truly forgiven them? This situation is sticky. Shouldn’t we be able to pay them back for what they did? If you are in this boat, remember, you are doing to them exactly what they did to you. And yes, it may be justified according to the world but God said vengeance is his. So guess what, sin creeps in very easily. It’s in these situations that it’s good to remember the times that God has forgiven us! He has not paid us back for the many things we have done, though we surely deserved it. So forgive as he has forgiven. It’s hard, I know. But it’s so much more freeing when we aren’t trying to be the judge. That job is a difficult job and we aren’t equipped to call those shots.

Music reserved for the gifted?

Most of us have probably thought about learning a new skill but quickly dismissed the idea with the thought "That doesn't come natural to me so I'm not even going to attempt that." Music, be it learning how to play an instrument or even just singing, is one of those skills that frequently gets put into this category. Most people tell me that singing comes naturally to me. But this wasn't always true. I worked really really hard at it! I started very young, around 8. My mom is a gifted singer and I wanted to be like her so much. I would practice in my room with a book and cassette tape(yes, I am aging myself here). I would wobble my voice to try to sing with vibrato. I also took 8 years of piano. Fast forward many years and I am here, not singing(no church), not playing, and regretting it deeply because I feel like I am not prepared for the great opportunity before me. Jason and Toby are almost ready to submit a VR game in the Oculus store and I have the chance to write the music for it. How cool is that? BUT, I have no knowledge of DAW's, have been out of practice for years, and my confidence is in the toilet. I wouldn't consider myself musically gifted at all. I don't have a grasp of theory, no perfect pitch, and I have ZERO experience with composition. Should I pass up the chance? Should music composition be reserved for the gifted? Nope. Even if I can't help with this game, how neat would it be to get the chance to do something like this when they create the next one? I wish I had the confidence and dedication of my younger self. Life is pretty brutal. But does that mean we shouldn't try? Nah.. Now to chart my path...

4.Years.Later

It's weird seeing my blog still alive on the internet. I've thought about coming back on here and updating it but so much of my world has changed that I wanted to wait until the dust settled. Probably bad decision. Writing would have helped me get my thoughts out of the air. I'm not really going to try and describe everything that's transpired in the last 4 years. Although I will say that we haven't had any more kids. They are all still living at home, and we are enjoying every one of them immensely. So, why come back on here and breathe life into this dead blog? I need a place to document. I'm starting a new adventure and I really need a platform that has the ability for me to keep writing, pictures, and video together. I won't go into much detail here, gonna let things unfold as they will. Kind of like life. I'll mix this up with some writings on my midnight thoughts(aka... thoughts before bed that keep me from getting good sleep).

Remembering the Things we Love

Recently my Mom gave me her sound system. I had mixed feelings about it. I was very excited to get it but at the same time it saddened me that she was giving it up. All those years, from bands to solo arrangements. I don't have any recordings or videos of her in my possession. Nothing. She had a love affair with music that I want to see. As I was pondering all this I realized that I am doing the same thing. There are no recordings, no thoughts written on paper, except a few hand written attempts at song writing. How sad! Here I am 34 and all I have is a few videos of my younger years. My kids may not feel the same way I do about being able to listen or watch their mother but I have decided to prepare if they do. I am going to start recording some music(not original to me) and posting it here. I'm not really interested in capturing perfection but I do want to have something to look back on. Who knows, it might come to bite me in the b**. I may look back and get depressed but at least I have the choice of pressing play. For those of you who have hobbies/passions, do you ever think about sharing/recording for your offspring?

Is the End Goal College? Is There an End?

Do you like questions? We see the person who's asking them and automatically group them into the nosy category. Am I right? We get defensive as if we are being attacked. This is a sensitive topic for homeschool Moms. The reason, I believe, is that we feel like everything hinges on whether or not we got it right. If our kids are successful, we say we did good. If they aren't, we say "kids have choices, it's not my fault! I did everything I could" It all boils down to the reality that we DO make mistakes, we DO get things right sometimes, kids DO make their own decisions, and it's okay to admit it. With all that being said, we should all evaluate what we are doing, correct errors, and be okay with other people helping us when we need a little nudge. I love school. I love checking off boxes, studying for a test, and making good grades. I HATE forgetting what I studied for and realizing how much time I wasted on something that didn't even matter. My homeschooling path has been a bumpy road because of these two opposing forces within me. Couple that with the growing studies on education and it's failure to produce productive(and I do mean creative, not production line) citizens, and you have one renegade mama.  I came across a video lately that I will share. It's by no means the only resource out there for the paradigm shift that needs to happen but it will get your juices flowing. But first, the questions.

What is your end goal for your child? College? Why?

What is your child's end goal? Do they have one?

Should there be an end goal? Why or why not?

When/If we reach the end goal, then what?