Humdrum

Then
There once was a time, long ago enough to make me feel really old, that I thought life was meant to be exciting. There was nothing that I couldn't conquer, nothing that I couldn't learn, nothing that I couldn't be. I was desperately seeking to accomplish. And then something dreadful happened. My life made a turn for the worse and I fell, hard. I tried everything to get back on my feet. I felt like I was running out of time, I thought I would die at any moment. I had no expectations of bearing children or reaching a ripe old age of...well you get the point. And yet here I am. I am my worst fear in many ways. I still feel lost sometimes, unsure of my decisions, unsteady in my ways. I have children, and I have a lot of them. I am still battling past demons, still striving to let go of idols. I am still prideful, still impatient. I am still...a sinner. What did I expect? That over the course of a couple of years God would all the sudden make me perfect? I was hoping, hoping that I wouldn't be here that long. Praying that my life would end because it was just too hard. There was no possible way I could make up for all the wrong. I thought the world would be a better place without me.

Now
I may not have conquered much in the years that God has given me but I can say a few things. I love my kids, I adore my husband, and God has been merciful to me despite my struggles. When I am weak, he is strong. He is strong even when I just want to scream with frustration, even when my heart condemns me for my internal dialogue, even when my pride beats at the door of my heart. I can't tell you how many times he has picked me up, cleaned the mud off my face and told me to keep running. Ever seen those people do the mud run? Yep, that's me. People often comment to me that my life must be so busy. It is busy, sometimes TOO busy. I find myself picking stuff up only to have to put it down because of the weight.
However, it is nothing like it was. My physical and mental battles a long time ago were so consuming, so disturbing, so life threatening that nothing can compare to that. This is humdrum. And I like it.

Seasons of Change

   Everyone says that life is made up of different seasons. We all have to learn this for ourselves. Things we desire need to come later, things we hate need to be dealt with now, and list goes on and on. I have already lived through several seasons, some of which felt like hell itself. Have you ever been in a season where everything is just in this perpetual change? I know that we are all constantly being changed and sanctified, not talking about that. I am talking about life is constantly changing on a day to day basis. This is where we are at. I think that the reason I feel this way is because we have been "stable" now for 6-7 years. Now it feels like we are on a pier in the middle of a hurricane. Back and forth. So, this is one of the reasons for my blogging absence. Change can be good, change can be GREAT. But sometimes it's just really hard.

Review: Identity

Identity by Ted Dekker

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



I started reading this in the hope that Mr Dekker had written something a little less gruesome. It was also free! So far I have been relieved that I haven't had to shelve it. Hopefully the next three will also be heart pounding without the blood and gore.



View all my reviews

When Wonderland is all they see

You know those people, the ones that look at you with their eyes glossed over as you lay out a logical map to understanding? Why is it that they can't see what's so very clear? Round and round the conversation flows until someone gets sick enough to jump off. I have to admit that I have often sat in the forests of Wonderland as some brave soul tries to get me to climb out of my hole. Usually that's my husband or my God. Reality is not fun, it's hard and cold sometimes. I don't like conflict and I can't stand fear and anger. I want frolicking and sing song days without worry. But I also want truth and honor. I want to have a goal and fulfill it. I want to struggle, though not too much, and come out triumphantly. I want to believe that there will be eternal footprints that are left by me, ones that are noble and worthy. I want to feel like I was supposed to be here and not just the result of random cells coming together. For these reasons I grab the hand that reaches down and allow myself to let go. It's interesting, being in the hole. You can see it in others. You can see who has been there, who struggles to come back to reality. My heart goes out to them, even if they don't know that I know where they have been. It's a wonderful place in the beginning, this fairy tale world. Somewhere that promises ease and comfort. Somewhere that you don't have to think about what's going on around you. But then something happens and it becomes a dark cave that is almost impossible to get out of. It has power over you that you resent... but love. The only way to get out is to want something more than what you want in your cave wonderland. Get out, it's worth it.

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Running from Sin

As a parent I am often faced with "I'm going to get as close to the street as I can without getting ran over." It's that fine line that our kids try to step on without actually going over, at which point they would be in deep trouble. Don't we all do that though? We all try to get as close to sin as possible without sinning. What usually happens? Because our hearts are not right to begin with(the Bible says to FLEE), we end up giving in to that particular sin. We end up saying something like "Well, it was the situations fault" or "it was too hard to resist, I didn't have a way of escape". We know this is a lie because the Bible says that God will always provide a way of escape. I think we wait too late to take it and then end up blaming God for not providing it. We think we can handle it but we end up falling on our face. Here's a quote from Charles Spurgeon that I thought was great.

  “She grabbed him by his garment and said, ‘Sleep with me!’ But leaving his garment in her hand, he escaped and ran from the house.” (Genesis 39:12)

In contending with certain sins, there remains no mode of victory except by running away quickly. He who would be safe from acts of evil must hasten away from occasions of it. A covenant must be made with our eyes not even to look upon the cause of temptation, for such sins only need a spark to begin with and a blaze follows in an instant! Who would casually enter the leper’s hut and sleep amid its horrible corruption? He alone who desires to be leprous himself would thus court contagion. If the sailor knew how to avoid a storm, he would do anything rather than run the risk of weathering it. Cautious pilots have no desire to try how near the quicksand they can sail, or how often they may touch a rock without springing a leak; their aim is to keep as nearly as possible in the midst of a safe channel. This day I may be exposed to great peril; let me have wisdom to keep out of it and avoid it. The wings of a dove may be of more use to me than the jaws of a lion. I may be an apparent loser by declining evil company, but I had better leave my coat than lose my character! It is not needful that I should be rich, but it is imperative upon me to be pure. No ties of friendship, no chains of beauty, no flashings of talent, and no shafts of ridicule must turn me from the wise resolve to run from sin. I am to resist the devil and he will flee from me. But the lusts of the flesh I must flee or they will surely overcome me! O God of holiness, preserve your Josephs. May the horrible trinity of the world, the flesh, and the devil never overcome us! - Charles Spurgeon

Html/CSS Lesson 6 &7

I am speeding things up a bit and adding 2 lessons here.

CSS/HTML Lesson 5

Continuing on..

HTML/CSS Lesson 4

Continuing on..

What is HTML and CSS?

Continuing on..

Tech Tuesday

I am continuing my husband's series on HTML/CSS/Javascript. If you want to continue the series quicker, you can go to http://millikencodes.wordpress.com/

Veggie Murder...

So this is what just happened as we were fixin preparing dinner. I opened the huge bag of frozen veggies only to find smaller bags of veggies that are steam-able. I said "Umm, weird. I guess you have to kill the veggies before you eat them." Charlotte says " Yeah, I knew this guy who knew this guy, who..... and he said that there was this guy who ate a piece of broccoli straight off the plant. He even washed it. But guess what, that broccoli ate him from the inside out. Yeah, it's dangerous to eat that stuff raw. Those vegans are messed up in the brain!"

Tech Tuesday!

Guest post from my husband, computer super hero. He has recently started a very basic beginners series on HTML/CSS. He initially wrote this for my computer savvy children but I thought it would be great to post it on here.

HTML & CSS: Lesson 1 – Setting up your box.

Before we can start pounding out code and creating awesome web sites we need to do a little setup.  Artists need paints, writers need pens, and web developers need an IDE. So what is an IDE?  An IDE is an Integrated DevelopmentEnvironment.  Basically, it is a program that helps you  write code.  Word helps you write papers by helping with spelling, grammar and formatting.  An IDE does the same thing – more or less. “Where do I get this IDE you speak of”, you may ask.  There are many good IDEs.  Fortunately, Microsoft provides a free version of Visual Studio (IMHO the greatest IDE ever).  Download Visual Web Developer Express and install it on your box.http://www.microsoft.com/visualstudio/en-us/products/2010-editions/visual-web-developer-express.  This install can take a long time. So be prepared for a lot of waiting.  The installation process is mostly self explanatory.  Just take all of the default installation options and answer the questions. The next thing you need to install is a modern web browser.  For development the best browser is Google Chrome.  The developer tools are a must.  Download and install it – https://www.google.com/chrome. Not bad for our first lesson.  You now have your work environment setup.  Time to do some work.  In our next lesson we will walk through setting up a project and creating our first web page.

Wrong direction

You have gone down the wrong path and see no end in sight in either direction. Do you keep going even after witnessing the road is getting a little rocky? Stay with me and think about this. It's getting dark. You know for sure that turning around would be hard and long, might even be hours before you arrive into safety. On the other hand, you might come to the end soon on the path that your on. The only problem is that the path is getting dangerous and it rides close to the cliff, you could fall off! For all you know it could take 2 more days to get to the end and even then you don't know where it leads. Would you keep going? I wouldn't, because I know that if I turn around it might be hard but I would know for sure that I was on the right path and it's not going to kill me. My destination is known. Just because we might have traveled down a certain path in our lives that ended up turning out to be hazardous, it doesn't mean that we keep walking in it. I have heard time and time again that "Well, there's nothing I can do about it now", "I guess we will just see how things turn out", "It's too late for me, takes to much effort to change", "Change is for those that have a long life ahead of them, I am too old". These answers are crazy! Turning around IS the right path if it gets you off the wrong one. It's not like you need to develop wings and fly, just turn around. What are you doing that is detrimental to your life and your witness? What can you change that, when you are on your death bed, you can look back and say "That was a good change, glad I made it" Or will you say "Man, if I had just changed a little, things could have been different" I have a right to say these things. I have struggled in my life and made changes when it felt like I was dying. Change is hard, turning around is hard and takes time. But it's worth it!! If I die tomorrow I will be able to look back and praise God that he enabled me to change. I will say that change is almost impossible without the Father who changes hearts and minds. If you find yourself not calling out to him and still struggling, this is why. I still struggle with many things but praise God he still works on me. Turn around and straighten yourself out. If you do end up turning around you will find that God in his mercy will actually put you on a different path altogether and surprise you with his help along the way.

Random fun today

Fireman Daniel.



First cookie!


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Location:Broad River Rd,Irmo,United States

She loves outside!

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Act Quickly and Purposefully

A couple of weeks ago Kaitlyn and Charlotte had their Association Drill for Bible Drill. We met at a cute church in Blythewood. It's one of those older churches surrounded by a church graveyard. As all the kids rushed inside for refreshments, I decided to walk around the graveyard and look at all the headstones. So many families were burried together, from grandparents to infants. Death is the same for all of us. It's going to happen, no matter what we do! It reminds me of the transition phase during childbirth, there is no turning back, no easy way out, no giving up, just acceptance. There were 2 headstones that represented siblings, both dying on the same day. One was 3 and the other was 7. How heartbreaking. We never know how long we will be here. We need to live purposefully in this quick and fleeting life! It just makes me wonder "How am I doing?". Am I really living that way or am I letting greatness fall through the cracks of my fingers so that I can grab mediocrity? Lord help me to see what to hold on to.

Facebook vs Blogging

I feel like I have betrayed my blog. Facebook has taken over my loyalties and I don't like it! Maybe the simple fact that I have had a blog longer than a Facebook account makes me feel like I have to be loyal to it. Maybe I haven't written much because I have nothing really significant to say. I don't know. I guess I feel blogging gives me more of a chance to really share all my stuff and Facebook is only for those quick and interesting things that go on in my life. I love Facebook, but I need to feel like I can write my thoughts... just because.

Easter Celebration!

We had a great time yesterday. I am so thankful for my wonderful church and to be able to celebrate his resurrection and life with them. The body of Christ is eternal!! It is a worthwhile thing to spend time with them and pray for them. What an honor.
After church we came home and spent time with my Mom. I am so grateful for her. She has given much of herself, in the last year especially, to come here when she was able just to spend time with us. She has taught the girls several crafty things and it seems she is always willing to teach them what she has learned. She showed us her new projects in beading a crochet necklace(fun!) and crocheting an afghan. In our family time is a very precious gift so we are appreciative when someone gives of there time. It shows love. If you want to know what I mean, spend a little time with the older kids and I guarantee that you will hear "thank you" many times!!
We went outside for a bit and blue bubbles that my Mom had bought for the kids. Me and Mom laid in the sun for a bit to get some vitamin d. We had leg of lamb, mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole for dinner. I was(and am-absent the fever now) very sick so the girls fixed the potatoes and casserole. It turned out great! The lamb was so very good, most of the kids loved it but some couldn't take the "gamey" taste. We did hide chocolates around the house after a bible lesson. We demonstrated that just as we are searching intently for the chocolates, knowing how good they are and hoping that we can find them, we should search intently for Christ, knowing how good he is and that we have hope in him. Though we have obstacles that come our way, we will not stop. And when we have this goodness, don't we want to share it? To tell others about him. Obviously this breaks down at some point but we wanted them to relate the feeling of intent searching and hope for something good, to the attitude that we should have when we are searching for Christ, his will, and the hope of glory. Thank you God for your demonstration of love for us that while we were still sinners you died for us. Not just that you died but that you rose from the grave, conquering death once and for all.

Regrets and Attitudes

This week I have been thinking about choices in my life that have led to this or that. I found that it was not the actual choices that I made that I regretted the most, it was my attitude about those choices! Even the choices that turned out to be wise sometimes were tainted due to my attitude about actually making those choices. I think we justify our attitude(which is a choice itself by the way) by assuming that as long as the choice we made was good then it doesn't matter. God looks at the heart and what he sees in me is usually discontent, even though my outward body may not show it. This is where the Word of God comes in, renewing our minds and transforming us. This lump of clay needs a lot of molding!! What then should I do? Memorizing scripture, reading the Bible, and believing it will transform our minds. The Bible says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. In order to fear something you have to know what it is capable of AND that it is true. Do I truly believe it? Absolutely. Do you?