Friday, February 07, 2014

Remembering the Things we Love

Recently my Mom gave me her sound system. I had mixed feelings about it. I was very excited to get it but at the same time it saddened me that she was giving it up. All those years, from bands to solo arrangements. I don't have any recordings or videos of her in my possession. Nothing. She had a love affair with music that I want to see. As I was pondering all this I realized that I am doing the same thing. There are no recordings, no thoughts written on paper, except a few hand written attempts at song writing. How sad! Here I am 34 and all I have is a few videos of my younger years. My kids may not feel the same way I do about being able to listen or watch their mother but I have decided to prepare if they do. I am going to start recording some music(not original to me) and posting it here. I'm not really interested in capturing perfection but I do want to have something to look back on. Who knows, it might come to bite me in the b**. I may look back and get depressed but at least I have the choice of pressing play. For those of you who have hobbies/passions, do you ever think about sharing/recording for your offspring?

Saturday, February 01, 2014

Is the End Goal College? Is There an End?

Do you like questions? We see the person who's asking them and automatically group them into the nosy category. Am I right? We get defensive as if we are being attacked. This is a sensitive topic for homeschool Moms. The reason, I believe, is that we feel like everything hinges on whether or not we got it right. If our kids are successful, we say we did good. If they aren't, we say "kids have choices, it's not my fault! I did everything I could" It all boils down to the reality that we DO make mistakes, we DO get things right sometimes, kids DO make their own decisions, and it's okay to admit it. With all that being said, we should all evaluate what we are doing, correct errors, and be okay with other people helping us when we need a little nudge. I love school. I love checking off boxes, studying for a test, and making good grades. I HATE forgetting what I studied for and realizing how much time I wasted on something that didn't even matter. My homeschooling path has been a bumpy road because of these two opposing forces within me. Couple that with the growing studies on education and it's failure to produce productive(and I do mean creative, not production line) citizens, and you have one renegade mama.  I came across a video lately that I will share. It's by no means the only resource out there for the paradigm shift that needs to happen but it will get your juices flowing. But first, the questions.
What is your end goal for your child? College? Why?
What is your child's end goal? Do they have one?
Should there be an end goal? Why or why not?
When/If we reach the end goal, then what?

Monday, January 27, 2014

Think before You Gather

This has been a topic I have wanted to write about for a while now. Ladies and gentlemen alike need to take into account these ideas before they gather together with people who they are not intimately familiar with. Religious people are some of the worst people to hang out with if you have baggage or physical issues that affect your ability to be seen as "normal". The simple truth is that everyone is different. Of course we know this but how many of us judge someone when they aren't doing what we think they should be doing, especially if we can add that powerful word FAITH into the equation. By faith you will be healed, by faith you will be set free, walk by faith in the Spirit! We spew these truths out like Niagara spews out water. Were you there the year before when that person was deep in sin compared to now? Do you see the transformation that has already taken place? Do you know the tears they cry to be healed? Have you been in the room when they have locked themselves in in an attempt to keep themselves from digging deeper in the pit? Were you there when they threw out the computer because they didn't want to be tempted again? When you sit down to dine with them they are not perfect. They are blemished. We all are blemished, to the core. Women very often see other women not eating cake or comfort foods and they wonder why. They say things like, oh God gave us taste buds, EAT and be MERRY. Enjoy in FAITH! Guess what, what if by eating that crap it triggers something within them that sends them over the edge? What if they are choosing not to eat that BECAUSE they don't want to be tempted?? It's not that they don't have faith. They want faith more than they want food. What about the alcoholic who goes out with friends and doesn't drink. They make fun of him. Would you tell him to drink, in faith?? What sense does that make? The point I am trying to make is that we have no idea what someone has or is dealing with. Why can't we just enjoy the company and stop asking the question "Why can't you be normal?" Whatever walk you walk, you don't have to be in sync with someone else to enjoy the conversation.

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

So proud of Toby!

 Toby got his demo reel on Blender Nation! He has worked so hard for so long(I think he was around 5 or 6 when he started.). I remember when our computers were sitting beside each other and he would be listening to tutorials(very boring tutorials!!) and I would beg him to put his headphones on because it was making me sleepy. That was several years ago. Now he does his own tutorials. We are starting a beginners blender club at the house next week. It will only last a few weeks but it would give him a chance to get some other kids excited about blender. Jason is teaching it and Toby will be helping(cuz I honestly think Toby knows more about it than Jason...shhhhh). I know that I'm the Mom and I will be proud of him no matter what but, well, this guy is pretty special. I also want to be sure not to puff his ego up but to make sure that he believes that he still has long way to go, that learning doesn't end. I want to praise him for his diligence(which should never end), not necessarily the work ;) Be praying for him, that God would bless his diligence and that he would stay focused. Grands, thanks for encouraging him!!
Oh, and if you want to go see the demo reel, it's at http://www.blendernation.com/2014/01/06/reel-tobias-milliken/

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Humdrum

Then
There once was a time, long ago enough to make me feel really old, that I thought life was meant to be exciting. There was nothing that I couldn't conquer, nothing that I couldn't learn, nothing that I couldn't be. I was desperately seeking to accomplish. And then something dreadful happened. My life made a turn for the worse and I fell, hard. I tried everything to get back on my feet. I felt like I was running out of time, I thought I would die at any moment. I had no expectations of bearing children or reaching a ripe old age of...well you get the point. And yet here I am. I am my worst fear in many ways. I still feel lost sometimes, unsure of my decisions, unsteady in my ways. I have children, and I have a lot of them. I am still battling past demons, still striving to let go of idols. I am still prideful, still impatient. I am still...a sinner. What did I expect? That over the course of a couple of years God would all the sudden make me perfect? I was hoping, hoping that I wouldn't be here that long. Praying that my life would end because it was just too hard. There was no possible way I could make up for all the wrong. I thought the world would be a better place without me.

Now
I may not have conquered much in the years that God has given me but I can say a few things. I love my kids, I adore my husband, and God has been merciful to me despite my struggles. When I am weak, he is strong. He is strong even when I just want to scream with frustration, even when my heart condemns me for my internal dialogue, even when my pride beats at the door of my heart. I can't tell you how many times he has picked me up, cleaned the mud off my face and told me to keep running. Ever seen those people do the mud run? Yep, that's me. People often comment to me that my life must be so busy. It is busy, sometimes TOO busy. I find myself picking stuff up only to have to put it down because of the weight.
However, it is nothing like it was. My physical and mental battles a long time ago were so consuming, so disturbing, so life threatening that nothing can compare to that. This is humdrum. And I like it.