Sinning in Forgiveness

Forgiveness. It's a beautiful thing. Have you ever experienced it? Really? I want to address possible issues that arise out of quasi forgiveness. I want to address both sides of the equation.

 
The forgiven. It’s amazing to be forgiven. Where once your heart was crushed under the weight of your wrong doing, you are now free to breathe again. But are you? Are you living in that freedom? Breathing without difficulty? Is your mind free from the slander of your conscience? Or, are you still beating yourself up over it? If you are a religious person, are you playing God? Judging and convicting yourself over and over again? Telling yourself that you are too far gone for God to pardon you. Thinking that your sin is greater than God could possibly handle. Sounds crazy, right? In your forgiveness, it’s possible that you are sinning….again. It is important that we remember that we have wronged. But sometimes people get confused as to the reason that God has given us this ability. He didn’t give it to us so that we should grow to hate ourselves forever. We should be reminded that no matter what we do, he can forgive us! It’s not about us(how awful we are), it’s about him(how wonderful he is)! So truly be forgiven and accept that gift.

 
The forgiver. It’s soul crushing sometimes, when we are hurt by others. Especially from those we love. Does it help when they ask for forgiveness? Maybe. But it’s just words, right? It takes a long time for us to believe someone is truly sorry. That’s because actions speak louder than words. We have no control over them. We lose trust and are afraid to expose ourselves to them again. We may hold back a part of ourselves and grow callous to them. Sometimes we may even punish them silently while planning a payback that we justify. Have we truly forgiven them? This situation is sticky. Shouldn’t we be able to pay them back for what they did? If you are in this boat, remember, you are doing to them exactly what they did to you. And yes, it may be justified according to the world but God said vengeance is his. So guess what, sin creeps in very easily. It’s in these situations that it’s good to remember the times that God has forgiven us! He has not paid us back for the many things we have done, though we surely deserved it. So forgive as he has forgiven. It’s hard, I know. But it’s so much more freeing when we aren’t trying to be the judge. That job is a difficult job and we aren’t equipped to call those shots.

Running from Sin

As a parent I am often faced with "I'm going to get as close to the street as I can without getting ran over." It's that fine line that our kids try to step on without actually going over, at which point they would be in deep trouble. Don't we all do that though? We all try to get as close to sin as possible without sinning. What usually happens? Because our hearts are not right to begin with(the Bible says to FLEE), we end up giving in to that particular sin. We end up saying something like "Well, it was the situations fault" or "it was too hard to resist, I didn't have a way of escape". We know this is a lie because the Bible says that God will always provide a way of escape. I think we wait too late to take it and then end up blaming God for not providing it. We think we can handle it but we end up falling on our face. Here's a quote from Charles Spurgeon that I thought was great.

  “She grabbed him by his garment and said, ‘Sleep with me!’ But leaving his garment in her hand, he escaped and ran from the house.” (Genesis 39:12)

In contending with certain sins, there remains no mode of victory except by running away quickly. He who would be safe from acts of evil must hasten away from occasions of it. A covenant must be made with our eyes not even to look upon the cause of temptation, for such sins only need a spark to begin with and a blaze follows in an instant! Who would casually enter the leper’s hut and sleep amid its horrible corruption? He alone who desires to be leprous himself would thus court contagion. If the sailor knew how to avoid a storm, he would do anything rather than run the risk of weathering it. Cautious pilots have no desire to try how near the quicksand they can sail, or how often they may touch a rock without springing a leak; their aim is to keep as nearly as possible in the midst of a safe channel. This day I may be exposed to great peril; let me have wisdom to keep out of it and avoid it. The wings of a dove may be of more use to me than the jaws of a lion. I may be an apparent loser by declining evil company, but I had better leave my coat than lose my character! It is not needful that I should be rich, but it is imperative upon me to be pure. No ties of friendship, no chains of beauty, no flashings of talent, and no shafts of ridicule must turn me from the wise resolve to run from sin. I am to resist the devil and he will flee from me. But the lusts of the flesh I must flee or they will surely overcome me! O God of holiness, preserve your Josephs. May the horrible trinity of the world, the flesh, and the devil never overcome us! - Charles Spurgeon

Act Quickly and Purposefully

A couple of weeks ago Kaitlyn and Charlotte had their Association Drill for Bible Drill. We met at a cute church in Blythewood. It's one of those older churches surrounded by a church graveyard. As all the kids rushed inside for refreshments, I decided to walk around the graveyard and look at all the headstones. So many families were burried together, from grandparents to infants. Death is the same for all of us. It's going to happen, no matter what we do! It reminds me of the transition phase during childbirth, there is no turning back, no easy way out, no giving up, just acceptance. There were 2 headstones that represented siblings, both dying on the same day. One was 3 and the other was 7. How heartbreaking. We never know how long we will be here. We need to live purposefully in this quick and fleeting life! It just makes me wonder "How am I doing?". Am I really living that way or am I letting greatness fall through the cracks of my fingers so that I can grab mediocrity? Lord help me to see what to hold on to.

Facebook vs Blogging

I feel like I have betrayed my blog. Facebook has taken over my loyalties and I don't like it! Maybe the simple fact that I have had a blog longer than a Facebook account makes me feel like I have to be loyal to it. Maybe I haven't written much because I have nothing really significant to say. I don't know. I guess I feel blogging gives me more of a chance to really share all my stuff and Facebook is only for those quick and interesting things that go on in my life. I love Facebook, but I need to feel like I can write my thoughts... just because.

Easter Celebration!

We had a great time yesterday. I am so thankful for my wonderful church and to be able to celebrate his resurrection and life with them. The body of Christ is eternal!! It is a worthwhile thing to spend time with them and pray for them. What an honor.
After church we came home and spent time with my Mom. I am so grateful for her. She has given much of herself, in the last year especially, to come here when she was able just to spend time with us. She has taught the girls several crafty things and it seems she is always willing to teach them what she has learned. She showed us her new projects in beading a crochet necklace(fun!) and crocheting an afghan. In our family time is a very precious gift so we are appreciative when someone gives of there time. It shows love. If you want to know what I mean, spend a little time with the older kids and I guarantee that you will hear "thank you" many times!!
We went outside for a bit and blue bubbles that my Mom had bought for the kids. Me and Mom laid in the sun for a bit to get some vitamin d. We had leg of lamb, mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole for dinner. I was(and am-absent the fever now) very sick so the girls fixed the potatoes and casserole. It turned out great! The lamb was so very good, most of the kids loved it but some couldn't take the "gamey" taste. We did hide chocolates around the house after a bible lesson. We demonstrated that just as we are searching intently for the chocolates, knowing how good they are and hoping that we can find them, we should search intently for Christ, knowing how good he is and that we have hope in him. Though we have obstacles that come our way, we will not stop. And when we have this goodness, don't we want to share it? To tell others about him. Obviously this breaks down at some point but we wanted them to relate the feeling of intent searching and hope for something good, to the attitude that we should have when we are searching for Christ, his will, and the hope of glory. Thank you God for your demonstration of love for us that while we were still sinners you died for us. Not just that you died but that you rose from the grave, conquering death once and for all.

Regrets and Attitudes

This week I have been thinking about choices in my life that have led to this or that. I found that it was not the actual choices that I made that I regretted the most, it was my attitude about those choices! Even the choices that turned out to be wise sometimes were tainted due to my attitude about actually making those choices. I think we justify our attitude(which is a choice itself by the way) by assuming that as long as the choice we made was good then it doesn't matter. God looks at the heart and what he sees in me is usually discontent, even though my outward body may not show it. This is where the Word of God comes in, renewing our minds and transforming us. This lump of clay needs a lot of molding!! What then should I do? Memorizing scripture, reading the Bible, and believing it will transform our minds. The Bible says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. In order to fear something you have to know what it is capable of AND that it is true. Do I truly believe it? Absolutely. Do you?

Teach Them Diligently Conference

We are going to the Teach Them Diligently Conference! I am a little nervous about taking everyone up but we will have help from our parents, thankfully! I fear however that I will GREATLY miss my little people! They will be with one of our parents during the conference and I am just not sure I am ok with that, lol. I will likely have to leave so that I can spend time with them. Some people might think that it's unhealthy to miss them like that but I just LOVE them. I would take them with me but I fear that they would be overwhelmed with all the people there. I guess I will just have to wait and see. The kids are very excited. Not only are they excited about the conference, they have been giddy over the free breakfast from the hotel. I have been undecided about what to do for their meals, which is NOT free, lol. At the conference there will be vendors, chick-fil-a, subway, etc.. but I imagine it will be costly and very busy. I am thinking we will likely bring something, that way it won't take us as long and I can keep it healthy. I NEED healthy food so that I can pay attention, I will likely be exhausted and some good food always helps.

The past several weeks have been difficult with Melody, though the last 2 nights she has done well. She is so precious, she just wants to feel loved and close to you. She had a lot of congestion at night that would wake her up and she needed to know we were there. Adding to the lack of sleep was Jason's work schedule and the pressure right before a deployment. He has had a lot of stress on him because his project was deployed the end of last week. God blessed him though! He has had only minor changes here and there. That is a huge praise report because it could have been disastrous! He is still recovering from being sick last weekend as well, so this has been a crazy week but we can see God all in it. Isn't it wonderful when you catch a glimpse of just how much he loves us and cares for our needs? What name can you give him to describe his character and relationship to us?


ELOHIM......Genesis 1:1, Psalm 19:1
meaning "God", a reference to God's power and might.
ADONAI......Malachi 1:6
meaning "Lord", a reference to the Lordship of God.
JEHOVAH--YAHWEH.....Genesis 2:4
a reference to God's divine salvation.
JEHOVAH-MACCADDESHEM.......Exodus 31:13
meaning "The Lord thy sanctifier"
JEHOVAH-ROHI......Psalm 23:1
meaning "The Lord my shepherd"
JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH.......Ezekiel 48:35
meaning "The Lord who is present"
JEHOVAH-RAPHA.........Exodus 15:26
meaning "The Lord our healer"
JEHOVAH-TSIDKENU......Jeremiah 23:6
meaning "The Lord our righteousness"
JEHOVAH-JIREH.........Genesis 22:13-14
meaning "The Lord will provide"
JEHOVAH-NISSI.........Exodus 17:15
meaning "The Lord our banner"
JEHOVAH-SHALOM........Judges 6:24
meaning "The Lord is peace"
JEHOVAH-SABBAOTH......Isaiah 6:1-3
meaning "The Lord of Hosts"
JEHOVAH-GMOLAH........Jeremiah 51:6
meaning "The God of Recompense"
EL-ELYON..............Genesis 14:17-20,Isaiah 14:13-14
meaning "The most high God
EL-ROI................Genesis 16:13
meaning "The strong one who sees"
EL-SHADDAI............Genesis 17:1,Psalm 91:1
meaning "The God of the mountains or God Almighty"
EL-OLAM...............Isaiah 40:28-31
meaning "The everlasting God"



ABBA.............................Romans 8:15
ADVOCATE.........................I John 2:1 (kjv)
ALMIGHTY.........................Genesis 17:1
ALPHA............................Revelation 22:13
AMEN.............................Revelation 3:14
ANCIENT OF DAYS..................Daniel 7:9
ANOINTED ONE.....................Psalm 2:2
APOSTLE..........................Hebrews 3:1
ARM OF THE LORD..................Isaiah 53:1
AUTHOR OF LIFE...................Acts 3:15
AUTHOR OF OUR FAITH..............Hebrews 12:2

BEGINNING.........................Revelation 21:6
BLESSED & HOLY RULER..............1 Timothy 6:15
BRANCH............................Jeremiah 33:15
BREAD OF GOD......................John 6:33
BREAD OF LIFE.....................John 6:35
BRIDEGROOM........................Isaiah 62:56
BRIGHT MORNING STAR...............Revelation 22:16

CHIEF SHEPHERD.....................1 Peter 5:4
CHOSEN ONE.........................Isaiah 42:1
CHRIST.............................Matthew 22:42
CHRIST OF GOD......................Luke 9:20
CHRIST THE LORD....................Luke 2:11
CHRIST, SON OF LIVING GOD..........Matthew 16:16
COMFORTER..........................John 14:26(kjv)
COMMANDER..........................Isaiah 55:4
CONSOLATION OF ISRAEL...............Luke 2:25
CONSUMING FIRE......................Deut. 4:24, Heb. 12:29
CORNERSTONE.........................Isaiah 28:16
COUNSELOR...........................Isaiah 9:6
CREATOR.............................1 Peter 4:19

DELIVERER..............................Romans 11:26
DESIRED OF ALL NATIONS.................Haggai 2:7
DOOR...................................John 10:7(kjv)

END....................................Revelation 21:6
ETERNAL GOD............................Deut. 33:27
EVERLASTING FATHER.....................Isaiah 9:6

FAITHFUL & TRUE........................Revelation 19:11
FAITHFUL WITNESS.......................Revelation 1:5
FATHER.................................Matthew 6:9
FIRSTBORN (3)........................................Rom.8:29,Rev.1:5,Col.1:15
FIRSTFRUITS............................1 Cor.15:20-23
FOUNDATION.............................1 Cor. 3:11
FRIEND OF TAX COLLECTORS & SINNERS.....Matthew 11:19

GENTLE WHISPER.........................1 Kings 19:12
GIFT OF GOD............................John 4:10
GLORY OF THE LORD......................Isaiah 40:5
GOD....................................Genesis 1:1
GOD ALMIGHTY...........................Genesis 17:1
GOD OVER ALL...........................Romans 9:5
GOD WHO SEES ME........................Genesis 16:13
GOOD SHEPHERD..........................John 10:11
GREAT HIGH PRIEST......................Hebrews 4:14
GREAT SHEPHERD.........................Hebrews 13:20
GUIDE..................................Psalm 48:14

HEAD OF THE BODY.......................Colossians 1:18
HEAD OF THE CHURCH.....................Ephesians 5:23
HEIR OF ALL THINGS.....................Hebrews 1:2
HIGH PRIEST............................Hebrews 3:1
HIGH PRIEST FOREVER....................Hebrews 6:20
HOLY ONE...............................Acts 2:27
HOLY ONE OF ISRAEL.....................Isaiah 49:7
HOLY SPIRIT............................John 15:26
HOPE...................................Titus 2:13
HORN OF SALVATION......................Luke 1:69

I AM....................................Exodus 3:14, John 8:58
IMAGE OF GOD............................2 Cor. 4:4
IMAGE OF HIS PERSON.....................Hebrews 1:3 (kjv)
IMMANUEL................................Isaiah 7:14

JEALOUS..............................Exodus 34:14 (kjv)
JEHOVAH..............................Psalm 83:18 (kjv)
JESUS................................Matthew 1:21
JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD................Romans 6:23
JUDGE................................Isaiah 33:22, Acts 10:42

KING.................................Zechariah 9:9
KING ETERNAL.........................1 Timothy 1:17
KING OF KINGS........................1 Timothy 6:15
KING OF THE AGES.....................Revelation 15:3

LAMB OF GOD...........................John 1:29
LAST ADAM.............................1 Cor. 15:45
LAWGIVER..............................Isaiah 33:22
LEADER................................Isaiah 55:4
LIFE..................................John 14:6
LIGHT OF THE WORLD....................John 8:12
LIKE AN EAGLE.........................Deut. 32:11
LILY OF THE VALLEYS...................Song 2:1
LION OF THE TRIBE OF JUDAH............Revelation 5:5
LIVING STONE..........................1 Peter 2:4
LIVING WATER..........................John 4:10
LORD..................................John 13:13
LORD GOD ALMIGHTY.....................Revelation 15:3
LORD JESUS CHRIST.....................1 Cor. 15:57
LORD OF ALL...........................Acts 10:36
LORD OF GLORY ........................1 Cor. 2:8
LORD OF HOSTS.........................Haggai 1:5
LORD OF LORDS.........................1 Tim. 6:15
LORD OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS..............Jeremiah 23:6
LOVE.................................1 John 4:8

MAN OF SORROWS.........................Isaiah 53:3
MASTER..................................Luke 5:5
MEDIATOR................................1 Timothy 2:5
MERCIFUL GOD............................Jeremiah 3:12
MESSENGER OF THE COVENANT................Malachi 3:1
MESSIAH................................. John 4:25
MIGHTY GOD...............................Isaiah 9:6
MIGHTY ONE...............................Isaiah 60:16

NAZARENE.................................Matthew 2:23

OFFSPRING OF DAVID.......................Revelation 22:16
OMEGA....................................Revelation 22:13
ONLY BEGOTTEN SON........................John 1:18(kjv)
OUR PASSOVER LAMB........................1 Cor. 5:7
OUR PEACE................................Ephesians 2:14

POTTER...................................Isaiah 64:8
POWER OF GOD.............................1 Cor. 1:24
PRINCE OF PEACE..........................Isaiah 9:6
PROPHET..................................Acts 3:22
PURIFIER.................................Malachi 3:3

RABBONI (TEACHER)........................John 20:16
RADIANCE OF GOD'S GLORY..................Heb.1:3
REDEEMER.................................Job 19:25
REFINER'S FIRE...........................Malachi 3:2
RESURRECTION.............................John 11:25
RIGHTEOUS ONE............................1 John 2:1
ROCK.....................................1 Cor.10:4
ROOT OF DAVID............................Rev. 22:16
ROSE OF SHARON...........................Song 2:1
RULER OF GOD'S CREATION..................Rev. 3:14
RULER OVER KINGS OF EARTH................Rev 1:5
RULER OVER ISRAEL........................Micah 5:2

SAVIOR...................................Luke 2:11
SCEPTER OUT OF ISRAEL....................Numbers 24:17
SEED.....................................Genesis 3:15
SERVANT..................................Isaiah 42:1
SHEPHERD OF OUR SOULS....................1Peter 2:25
SHIELD...................................Genesis 15:1
SON OF DAVID.............................Matthew 1:1
SON OF GOD...............................Matthew 27:54
SON OF MAN...............................Matthew 8:20
SON OF THE MOST HIGH.....................Luke 1:32
SOURCE...................................Hebrews 5:9
SPIRIT OF GOD............................Genesis 1:2
STAR OUT OF JACOB........................Numbers 24:17
STONE....................................1 Peter 2:8
SUN OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.....................Malachi 4:2

TEACHER...................................John 13:13
TRUE LIGHT................................John 1:9
TRUE WITNESS..............................Revelation 3:14
TRUTH.....................................John 14:6

VINE......................................John 15:5

WAY........................................John 14:6
WISDOM OF GOD..............................1 Cor. 1:24
WITNESS....................................Isaiah 55:4
WONDERFUL..................................Isaiah 9:6
WORD.......................................John 1:1
WORD OF GOD................................Revelation 19:13
**taken from http://www.smilegodlovesyou.org/names.html


Wow!! We have an amazing God!

State of Being vs State of Mind

I've been thinking about a concept since last night and had a chance to "cook" on it a little. In most circumstances I would say that the following is true. Surely this concept breaks down at some point but I like it for it's simplicity. This is probably not original to me but I don't know of anyone who has written/spoke it in this way. If you do, let me know, I want to read more of what they have to say.

Its not a state of "being" that usually causes me problems, it's my state of "mind"
It's not my future state of being that will cause my current fear, it's my current state of my mind about my future state of being that rattles my bones.

Grateful for my husband!

This morning Jason and I were talking about some things and I am just so grateful that God has given him insight and he helps me to understand certain things. Sometimes my view becomes cloudy and I can't quite understand the full picture. We were talking about the "all or nothing" mentality. I have mentioned on my blog that I struggle with this daily. What I haven't recognized is that there are others who struggle with the same thing and I need to understand and give them grace in this area. Just because you can't be the best musician, programmer, artist, mother, daughter, father, papa, etc.. doesn't mean that you give it up all together. It means that you do the best you can and work with what you got. Jason gave me a beautiful imagery. He said " Picture 2 gardens. One is lush and has thick black soil with abundant fruit and beauty. It would be awesome. Now picture another garden with boulders around everywhere and very few spots for adequate plant growth. But on the boulders you see cracks where plants have sprung up and one even has an apple tree! Wouldn't that be amazing?" He said " Your life is like that garden with all those boulders. You have to live in this garden, it's just the way things are. Don't you want to let God make it the most miraculous and awe-inspiring as you can? To tend to the plants that you CAN grow, even if it's not some botanical garden? God is growing plants where you least expect them. Don't give up and settle for a yard of boulders. Let God make it something beautiful" So all those people out there who struggle with the all or nothing mentality, Let God make something beautiful out of your garden of boulders!

The Christian Life as a Skill

Recently I have been heavily studying in several subjects. The more I study, the more I realize I need to study more! It can be frustrating but very rewarding. There are words that are so foreign to me and concepts that are so difficult to grasp that I need a little while to "chew" on the info I've taken in. I was thinking the other day how much my christian walk has resembled this process of learning. First comes those words that you don't understand, then concepts that are impossible(it seems) to grasp. The biggest difference, and one I am grateful for, is that God knew we were simpletons. He sent a helper to guide us along when we have no clue. The Holy Spirit is so instrumental in our lives if we are sensitive to Him(and he leads us back when we have gone WAY off course,lol). As for these other things that have me boggled at times, Jason helps with some, books help, and plain old fashioned hard work can get me a long way...I hope.

Celebrate and Reflect

Today Jason and I celebrate our 13th anniversary! In reflecting on these past years there are so many emotions that can overwhelm me if I think about it all at once. God, in his mercy, has spared us from so much. God has blessed Jason with a forgiving and loving heart. He has shepherded me like Christ and taught me so many things. God has used him and the kids in my life to STAY ALIVE. I am so grateful for the sacrifice that Jason does each and everyday. He shows me how my weird and quirky thoughts are NOT real. He is a constant, a healer(just as his name is defined), a loving father, and humble man. He doesn't demand anything out of me but truth and loyalty and if I fail to give him those, he is quick to forgive. He desires to please me, encourages me to shoot for the stars. He asks me "What do you want to do(meaning hobby, etc...), I will support you!" He massages my legs every night and sometimes 2-3 times during the night to help with pregnancy induced restless legs. He doesn't come home and watch TV, he eats and then plays with the kids, individually! He leads me with God's word and shows me my flawed reasoning. He sets a Godly example for the boys, that they would have honor and respect for themselves and for young ladies. He doesn't make rash decisions without going to God and really praying about it. He leads with a gentle but firm hand, always asking my opinion and considering it, but making the decision based on God's leading. This has been so paramount in our lives. When I thought he should have made a different decision, I would always submit and say "If God is leading you, then go with it." He would and guess what? He was always right(of course I would tell him that)!! LOL He amazes me. I often think "What did I do to deserve him?" And the answer is always the same "Absolutely nothing." God has poured out his blessings on me for no apparent reason and it humbles me to think about that. So with a very thankful heart, one that desires to be that Proverbs 31 woman someday, I say "Thank you God for the last 13 years that you have revealed yourself through my husband and kids. That you have had mercy on this sinner and blessed me beyond my imagination. You have sustained my life when I didn't want you to and brought me to your feet time and time again."

Worry vs Worship

Jason and I were talking today about worry. He said, "What if you pretend that worry and worship were the same words. Would that change how you were thinking?" Wow, what an eye opener. When I am worried about something, it could possibly be a form of worship. Who or what do I want to worship? This thing that has me consumed, or the one who can handle ANYTHING that I could possibly be worried about and consumed with? Try it out and see if it's applicable to your situation. It really puts things into perspective. Changing my focus(or the lens through which I view my circumstances) changes my perspective. I can see so much more clearly.

How often do you stretch your abilities?

I was just thinking about this today. I feel like I am constantly out of my "confort" zone. It seems everyday I have to or need to learn something else. Do you feel like this? Is it just me, maybe I never learned what I should have or something.Like cleaning..

And cooking(or uncooking)

                                                     
                                                   And then of course there's technology...

                                                                   

And those are just the things that I really need to know. I like technology but it gets hairy when you want to learn a skill for money and not only for fun(javascript, no-sql databases, etc). To top it off I have all kinds of things that I WANT to learn. There's music. When will that beast let me rest? Why can't I just say TATAh... Why does it matter so much? Do you know how difficult it is to relearn theory, practice piano, learn guitar, and have this nagging desire to write songs when you know you likely suck? All this knowing that it is likely a hopeless cause? There are so many things that I want to be involved in as well. I would love to be in choir again, there is someone that is wanting to get together to play around with some music he's written, and of course I would love to learn guitar via teacher. And that's just MY hobbies. The girls are learning website design and web marketing. Toby is wanting to get into electronics, and the little ones just want tons of love that requires keen observation on just how that love should be given to them. I feel like I should be learning  right along with them to support them and help them if they have questions. I FEEL LIKE GUMBY!!!
                   

                                                                     
 I know that God, in his sovereignty, has not given me more that I can handle. However, deciding just WHAT areas he intends for me to "stretch" to is a whole different story. Laying down, picking up. Laying down, picking up. What to lay down, what to pick up.

Rejoice or Mourn?

  My family will come together over the next two days to remember my Grandmother and her life. It has stirred many thoughts within me. I realize that anytime someone passes on from this side of eternity that we will question our own mortality. Is what we believe REALLY the truth?? How do we KNOW it's the truth? Does it even matter? Maybe we just all go into the grave and pleasantly "sleep" forever more. Just a meaningless vapor in this tornado of life. Is our belief in science? That based off of scientific evidence there is no God and no eternity afterwards. DO we realize that we are basing our decision solely on the genius minds of pure vapor particles? Do we even know what genius is? If everything is meaningless then all our beliefs, decisions, hypothesis, and IQ tests are meaningless as well. Because whatever comes out of this meaningless body will be just that, meaningless.
   Maybe, just maybe, we realize that this logic is flawed(because we are obviously not meaningless,right?). What IS the truth and how do we find it? If we can't trust those who claim no creator, then who do we go to? Where can we find solid evidence of where we came from, why, and where we are going? You guessed it, that book that everyone says is silly and not "academic" yet has lasted and proved itself for the last 5-7000 years. The Bible. Simple and complex, easy but hard, eternal and undeniable truth. This Truth has lasted and been confirmed throughout history. People come and go with their philosophies and ideas but the Bible has remained true and steady. It's foundational. So, if you want to know the foundation, if you want to know why, read it. You aren't a genius. The creator is. And because of that, we can trust that what he has said, done, and will do is truth. It will not die because he is eternal.
   All that being said, I am so glad that I have hope. I will rejoice for my Grandmother because I believe in the truth. I don't believe that she just ceases to be. This hope is given to us through faith in Jesus Christ. He says "I am the truth, and the life. No one goes to the Father except through me." There is no other way by which man can be saved. I am so thankful that I have a hope. I have a reason to live AND Die!! No, I will not mourn, I will rejoice that she is being made whole by her creator.

The sweetest reminder of Christ's sacrifice

Today I was cooking lunch with Kaitlyn. We were going about our business when Andrew comes in singing "Mary did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?" over and over again. We hadn't listened to that song in a long while. We did learn it as a family several months ago but to hear it out of the blue today warmed mine and Kaitlyn's hearts. He sang it loud and proud without fear or doubt. Even though we read the account of Jesus' crucifixion today I don't think he understood how that song related to it. He forgave me, saved me, and loved me despite my nailing him to that cross. Thank you Lord for fulfilling your word/promises through the person of Christ. Thank you that we see you even in Psalm 22, long before you were pierced, spilled out, mocked, and beaten. Before they cast lots for your clothes, gave you bitter drink, and long before you cried out "My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?" Thank you for your final proclamation "It is Finished!" But most of all, thank you that it didn't end there. That you arose, claiming victory over sin and death. Power to pay the debt that I could never possibly pay. Power to change, heal, and overcome. Thank you that you are still working in me and through me until I can be with you, complete and whole. Thank you that one day I WILL be complete and whole by the power of the risen Christ, Son of the Living God.

Missions Week

At the wrap up of my church's Missions Festival I find myself shameful in the area of evangelism. There was a time when I was on FIRE for missions, I wanted to BE a missionary. I went to Moldova, Russia with a few adults from my church. I went to El Salvador and Virginia on a missions trip. My heart was captured, especially for the people of Russia. When I went to college I sank into a dark depression, quit, and gave up hope of ever becoming anything useful. Even though God brought me out of that pit I never regained my passion for missions, even on the home front. I became fearful because I was uneducated and inarticulate. Since then I have tried to live my life to honor God. I always give him the credit when anyone tells me in the store that I have a nice family, etc.. People ask me how I do it and I always say it's by HIS grace BUT that is not enough. Why should I keep his goodness to myself? It's a command to proclaim, as in the words of Marco DeFelice. I am beginning to pray that God would put a passion in my heart to proclaim the truth, here in my own little limited town.

Growing and Dying

Today I have been thinking a lot about the processes of life we go through. God has truly blessed us in so many ways, even down to the very end. The excitement in our youth about the days to come Then the joy that new birth brings. We get to watch our children go through those same things, with joy and fulfillment like no other. Then we watch our parents pass, the deterioration that happens as our bodies age. We see in our aged parents the regrets and satisfaction from various decisions that they have made. We can rejoice with them and honor them by listening to their advice and carrying on the wisdom they give us. This too is a blessing. Even though we have sorrow, joy comes in the morning. One day, if our parents believe in The Truth, we will rejoice again with them.

What a great week!

We have had a very eventful week here. It started off pretty difficult with our heating unit going out. We ended up having to replace the unit but found out on the same day that we were going to get enough money back from our tax returns to cover the expense. I am so grateful to God for providing for us(like I should have ever doubted, right?) Then today Jason got to take the day off to start our 4 day weekend. My Mil will be keeping the kids tomorrow night. I am super excited to spend time with him. I know I have been terrible about photos but the camera I got from my Dad has a battery life of 10 minutes and my other one just stinks. I know I need to invest in another one soon. These moments won't happen again. So here's to a great God and a blessed weekend!

Little by Littles

This morning I was thinking about all the things that I "do". I have always been taken back when anyone tells me that I do so much like sewing, raw food stuff, music, and learning new skills. I think to myself "No I don't! I need to do more!" I think the reason why I have this response is that I don't do everything ALL the time. I am not physically capable of doing that! lol My life is a series of "little by littles". Things get done a little at a time. I will take on one thing and something else gets put down. This is just how it has to work right now in my life. Does that mean, because I can't do something to it's fullest right away, that I should not do it at all? Certainly not! Jason always tells me "It's the process not the end goal that is so enjoyable. Take your time." Right now I have a piano that is calling my name, a felt piggie waiting to be sewn together, a diaper body that is half done, a dehydrator that needs to be filled, buckwheat sprouts that need to be rinsed, bathrooms that need to be cleaned, diapers that need to be stuffed, and a little baby that is waking up. Little by little I will get to the most important and go from there. Now where's that baby. I love my life. :)

July is a busy month!

Here we are in July and I am so thankful. This month has a lot going on and most of it is quite exciting! Let's see.. we have Independence of course, then there is my sister's bday, my anniversary, my Dh's bday, my FIL's bday, and there is a possibility that I will find out if my Dad is moving closer to us. Very exciting.
This last month has been very challenging to me. God is working on my heart on many fronts, mainly just dying to self. It is a continual process that I wish could end but self just won't go away until we take that final breath. I have struggled with worrying about the future(today, tomorrow, 20 years from now) and he is teaching me to just focus on today. Notice I didn't say WORRY about today. Worrying is, after all, a sin. It is a commandment NOT to worry. Matthew 6:25 So I have been trying to focus on what I can do today to honor God. It has been very difficult for me but God has blessed me, despite my failures, in that he has comforted me throughout the whole process. He has been there when my mind starts to wonder, reminding me that I shouldn't go that route. I am grateful!
On another note, something really neat happened yesterday. Our neighbor is moving and she decided she didn't want to move all her long term food storage so she divided it up between another neighbor and us. It is a ton of food. We are praising God for her generosity! I just have to find a place for it now! lol Thankfully, I have been working on the garage for a while, cleaning and getting rid of stuff we don't need. Hopefully I will find a good spot.
I will leave with a great little quote I heard yesterday.
"How is your righteousness in the midst of affliction?"