Sinning in Forgiveness

Forgiveness. It's a beautiful thing. Have you ever experienced it? Really? I want to address possible issues that arise out of quasi forgiveness. I want to address both sides of the equation.

 
The forgiven. It’s amazing to be forgiven. Where once your heart was crushed under the weight of your wrong doing, you are now free to breathe again. But are you? Are you living in that freedom? Breathing without difficulty? Is your mind free from the slander of your conscience? Or, are you still beating yourself up over it? If you are a religious person, are you playing God? Judging and convicting yourself over and over again? Telling yourself that you are too far gone for God to pardon you. Thinking that your sin is greater than God could possibly handle. Sounds crazy, right? In your forgiveness, it’s possible that you are sinning….again. It is important that we remember that we have wronged. But sometimes people get confused as to the reason that God has given us this ability. He didn’t give it to us so that we should grow to hate ourselves forever. We should be reminded that no matter what we do, he can forgive us! It’s not about us(how awful we are), it’s about him(how wonderful he is)! So truly be forgiven and accept that gift.

 
The forgiver. It’s soul crushing sometimes, when we are hurt by others. Especially from those we love. Does it help when they ask for forgiveness? Maybe. But it’s just words, right? It takes a long time for us to believe someone is truly sorry. That’s because actions speak louder than words. We have no control over them. We lose trust and are afraid to expose ourselves to them again. We may hold back a part of ourselves and grow callous to them. Sometimes we may even punish them silently while planning a payback that we justify. Have we truly forgiven them? This situation is sticky. Shouldn’t we be able to pay them back for what they did? If you are in this boat, remember, you are doing to them exactly what they did to you. And yes, it may be justified according to the world but God said vengeance is his. So guess what, sin creeps in very easily. It’s in these situations that it’s good to remember the times that God has forgiven us! He has not paid us back for the many things we have done, though we surely deserved it. So forgive as he has forgiven. It’s hard, I know. But it’s so much more freeing when we aren’t trying to be the judge. That job is a difficult job and we aren’t equipped to call those shots.

Running from Sin

As a parent I am often faced with "I'm going to get as close to the street as I can without getting ran over." It's that fine line that our kids try to step on without actually going over, at which point they would be in deep trouble. Don't we all do that though? We all try to get as close to sin as possible without sinning. What usually happens? Because our hearts are not right to begin with(the Bible says to FLEE), we end up giving in to that particular sin. We end up saying something like "Well, it was the situations fault" or "it was too hard to resist, I didn't have a way of escape". We know this is a lie because the Bible says that God will always provide a way of escape. I think we wait too late to take it and then end up blaming God for not providing it. We think we can handle it but we end up falling on our face. Here's a quote from Charles Spurgeon that I thought was great.

  “She grabbed him by his garment and said, ‘Sleep with me!’ But leaving his garment in her hand, he escaped and ran from the house.” (Genesis 39:12)

In contending with certain sins, there remains no mode of victory except by running away quickly. He who would be safe from acts of evil must hasten away from occasions of it. A covenant must be made with our eyes not even to look upon the cause of temptation, for such sins only need a spark to begin with and a blaze follows in an instant! Who would casually enter the leper’s hut and sleep amid its horrible corruption? He alone who desires to be leprous himself would thus court contagion. If the sailor knew how to avoid a storm, he would do anything rather than run the risk of weathering it. Cautious pilots have no desire to try how near the quicksand they can sail, or how often they may touch a rock without springing a leak; their aim is to keep as nearly as possible in the midst of a safe channel. This day I may be exposed to great peril; let me have wisdom to keep out of it and avoid it. The wings of a dove may be of more use to me than the jaws of a lion. I may be an apparent loser by declining evil company, but I had better leave my coat than lose my character! It is not needful that I should be rich, but it is imperative upon me to be pure. No ties of friendship, no chains of beauty, no flashings of talent, and no shafts of ridicule must turn me from the wise resolve to run from sin. I am to resist the devil and he will flee from me. But the lusts of the flesh I must flee or they will surely overcome me! O God of holiness, preserve your Josephs. May the horrible trinity of the world, the flesh, and the devil never overcome us! - Charles Spurgeon

Act Quickly and Purposefully

A couple of weeks ago Kaitlyn and Charlotte had their Association Drill for Bible Drill. We met at a cute church in Blythewood. It's one of those older churches surrounded by a church graveyard. As all the kids rushed inside for refreshments, I decided to walk around the graveyard and look at all the headstones. So many families were burried together, from grandparents to infants. Death is the same for all of us. It's going to happen, no matter what we do! It reminds me of the transition phase during childbirth, there is no turning back, no easy way out, no giving up, just acceptance. There were 2 headstones that represented siblings, both dying on the same day. One was 3 and the other was 7. How heartbreaking. We never know how long we will be here. We need to live purposefully in this quick and fleeting life! It just makes me wonder "How am I doing?". Am I really living that way or am I letting greatness fall through the cracks of my fingers so that I can grab mediocrity? Lord help me to see what to hold on to.

Easter Celebration!

We had a great time yesterday. I am so thankful for my wonderful church and to be able to celebrate his resurrection and life with them. The body of Christ is eternal!! It is a worthwhile thing to spend time with them and pray for them. What an honor.
After church we came home and spent time with my Mom. I am so grateful for her. She has given much of herself, in the last year especially, to come here when she was able just to spend time with us. She has taught the girls several crafty things and it seems she is always willing to teach them what she has learned. She showed us her new projects in beading a crochet necklace(fun!) and crocheting an afghan. In our family time is a very precious gift so we are appreciative when someone gives of there time. It shows love. If you want to know what I mean, spend a little time with the older kids and I guarantee that you will hear "thank you" many times!!
We went outside for a bit and blue bubbles that my Mom had bought for the kids. Me and Mom laid in the sun for a bit to get some vitamin d. We had leg of lamb, mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole for dinner. I was(and am-absent the fever now) very sick so the girls fixed the potatoes and casserole. It turned out great! The lamb was so very good, most of the kids loved it but some couldn't take the "gamey" taste. We did hide chocolates around the house after a bible lesson. We demonstrated that just as we are searching intently for the chocolates, knowing how good they are and hoping that we can find them, we should search intently for Christ, knowing how good he is and that we have hope in him. Though we have obstacles that come our way, we will not stop. And when we have this goodness, don't we want to share it? To tell others about him. Obviously this breaks down at some point but we wanted them to relate the feeling of intent searching and hope for something good, to the attitude that we should have when we are searching for Christ, his will, and the hope of glory. Thank you God for your demonstration of love for us that while we were still sinners you died for us. Not just that you died but that you rose from the grave, conquering death once and for all.

Regrets and Attitudes

This week I have been thinking about choices in my life that have led to this or that. I found that it was not the actual choices that I made that I regretted the most, it was my attitude about those choices! Even the choices that turned out to be wise sometimes were tainted due to my attitude about actually making those choices. I think we justify our attitude(which is a choice itself by the way) by assuming that as long as the choice we made was good then it doesn't matter. God looks at the heart and what he sees in me is usually discontent, even though my outward body may not show it. This is where the Word of God comes in, renewing our minds and transforming us. This lump of clay needs a lot of molding!! What then should I do? Memorizing scripture, reading the Bible, and believing it will transform our minds. The Bible says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. In order to fear something you have to know what it is capable of AND that it is true. Do I truly believe it? Absolutely. Do you?

Women in the Word

I am going through a study of Ephesians now with Good Morning Girls We are using SOAP as we go through. I am enjoying it so far, it's not to demanding to keep up with and it is a step toward my goal of writing the New Testament as a keepsake for my children.  We haven't gotten far but already are being slammed with Truth, gotta love Ephesians! Predestination, the Mystery of Christ, and the fulfillment of God's will all in 10 verses!

The Christian Life as a Skill

Recently I have been heavily studying in several subjects. The more I study, the more I realize I need to study more! It can be frustrating but very rewarding. There are words that are so foreign to me and concepts that are so difficult to grasp that I need a little while to "chew" on the info I've taken in. I was thinking the other day how much my christian walk has resembled this process of learning. First comes those words that you don't understand, then concepts that are impossible(it seems) to grasp. The biggest difference, and one I am grateful for, is that God knew we were simpletons. He sent a helper to guide us along when we have no clue. The Holy Spirit is so instrumental in our lives if we are sensitive to Him(and he leads us back when we have gone WAY off course,lol). As for these other things that have me boggled at times, Jason helps with some, books help, and plain old fashioned hard work can get me a long way...I hope.

Celebrate and Reflect

Today Jason and I celebrate our 13th anniversary! In reflecting on these past years there are so many emotions that can overwhelm me if I think about it all at once. God, in his mercy, has spared us from so much. God has blessed Jason with a forgiving and loving heart. He has shepherded me like Christ and taught me so many things. God has used him and the kids in my life to STAY ALIVE. I am so grateful for the sacrifice that Jason does each and everyday. He shows me how my weird and quirky thoughts are NOT real. He is a constant, a healer(just as his name is defined), a loving father, and humble man. He doesn't demand anything out of me but truth and loyalty and if I fail to give him those, he is quick to forgive. He desires to please me, encourages me to shoot for the stars. He asks me "What do you want to do(meaning hobby, etc...), I will support you!" He massages my legs every night and sometimes 2-3 times during the night to help with pregnancy induced restless legs. He doesn't come home and watch TV, he eats and then plays with the kids, individually! He leads me with God's word and shows me my flawed reasoning. He sets a Godly example for the boys, that they would have honor and respect for themselves and for young ladies. He doesn't make rash decisions without going to God and really praying about it. He leads with a gentle but firm hand, always asking my opinion and considering it, but making the decision based on God's leading. This has been so paramount in our lives. When I thought he should have made a different decision, I would always submit and say "If God is leading you, then go with it." He would and guess what? He was always right(of course I would tell him that)!! LOL He amazes me. I often think "What did I do to deserve him?" And the answer is always the same "Absolutely nothing." God has poured out his blessings on me for no apparent reason and it humbles me to think about that. So with a very thankful heart, one that desires to be that Proverbs 31 woman someday, I say "Thank you God for the last 13 years that you have revealed yourself through my husband and kids. That you have had mercy on this sinner and blessed me beyond my imagination. You have sustained my life when I didn't want you to and brought me to your feet time and time again."

Worry vs Worship

Jason and I were talking today about worry. He said, "What if you pretend that worry and worship were the same words. Would that change how you were thinking?" Wow, what an eye opener. When I am worried about something, it could possibly be a form of worship. Who or what do I want to worship? This thing that has me consumed, or the one who can handle ANYTHING that I could possibly be worried about and consumed with? Try it out and see if it's applicable to your situation. It really puts things into perspective. Changing my focus(or the lens through which I view my circumstances) changes my perspective. I can see so much more clearly.

Rejoice or Mourn?

  My family will come together over the next two days to remember my Grandmother and her life. It has stirred many thoughts within me. I realize that anytime someone passes on from this side of eternity that we will question our own mortality. Is what we believe REALLY the truth?? How do we KNOW it's the truth? Does it even matter? Maybe we just all go into the grave and pleasantly "sleep" forever more. Just a meaningless vapor in this tornado of life. Is our belief in science? That based off of scientific evidence there is no God and no eternity afterwards. DO we realize that we are basing our decision solely on the genius minds of pure vapor particles? Do we even know what genius is? If everything is meaningless then all our beliefs, decisions, hypothesis, and IQ tests are meaningless as well. Because whatever comes out of this meaningless body will be just that, meaningless.
   Maybe, just maybe, we realize that this logic is flawed(because we are obviously not meaningless,right?). What IS the truth and how do we find it? If we can't trust those who claim no creator, then who do we go to? Where can we find solid evidence of where we came from, why, and where we are going? You guessed it, that book that everyone says is silly and not "academic" yet has lasted and proved itself for the last 5-7000 years. The Bible. Simple and complex, easy but hard, eternal and undeniable truth. This Truth has lasted and been confirmed throughout history. People come and go with their philosophies and ideas but the Bible has remained true and steady. It's foundational. So, if you want to know the foundation, if you want to know why, read it. You aren't a genius. The creator is. And because of that, we can trust that what he has said, done, and will do is truth. It will not die because he is eternal.
   All that being said, I am so glad that I have hope. I will rejoice for my Grandmother because I believe in the truth. I don't believe that she just ceases to be. This hope is given to us through faith in Jesus Christ. He says "I am the truth, and the life. No one goes to the Father except through me." There is no other way by which man can be saved. I am so thankful that I have a hope. I have a reason to live AND Die!! No, I will not mourn, I will rejoice that she is being made whole by her creator.

The sweetest reminder of Christ's sacrifice

Today I was cooking lunch with Kaitlyn. We were going about our business when Andrew comes in singing "Mary did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?" over and over again. We hadn't listened to that song in a long while. We did learn it as a family several months ago but to hear it out of the blue today warmed mine and Kaitlyn's hearts. He sang it loud and proud without fear or doubt. Even though we read the account of Jesus' crucifixion today I don't think he understood how that song related to it. He forgave me, saved me, and loved me despite my nailing him to that cross. Thank you Lord for fulfilling your word/promises through the person of Christ. Thank you that we see you even in Psalm 22, long before you were pierced, spilled out, mocked, and beaten. Before they cast lots for your clothes, gave you bitter drink, and long before you cried out "My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?" Thank you for your final proclamation "It is Finished!" But most of all, thank you that it didn't end there. That you arose, claiming victory over sin and death. Power to pay the debt that I could never possibly pay. Power to change, heal, and overcome. Thank you that you are still working in me and through me until I can be with you, complete and whole. Thank you that one day I WILL be complete and whole by the power of the risen Christ, Son of the Living God.

Kite flying and Bible study CAN go together!!

A day of kite flying, Bible study, and fun! Here is Daniel sitting in their flowers.

 

Getting ready for Bible study.

 

Here is Summer and her friend Bethanie. Alex is chilling out beside them in the shade.

 

Here is Daniel and Emmi. They are so cute!!

 

Here you can see them flying the kites.

Missions Week

At the wrap up of my church's Missions Festival I find myself shameful in the area of evangelism. There was a time when I was on FIRE for missions, I wanted to BE a missionary. I went to Moldova, Russia with a few adults from my church. I went to El Salvador and Virginia on a missions trip. My heart was captured, especially for the people of Russia. When I went to college I sank into a dark depression, quit, and gave up hope of ever becoming anything useful. Even though God brought me out of that pit I never regained my passion for missions, even on the home front. I became fearful because I was uneducated and inarticulate. Since then I have tried to live my life to honor God. I always give him the credit when anyone tells me in the store that I have a nice family, etc.. People ask me how I do it and I always say it's by HIS grace BUT that is not enough. Why should I keep his goodness to myself? It's a command to proclaim, as in the words of Marco DeFelice. I am beginning to pray that God would put a passion in my heart to proclaim the truth, here in my own little limited town.

Numbers

I am really enjoying reading it. I love getting to know my God! All those people who tell you it's boring, forget it. Just read it and focus on seeing God and discovering WHY we need Christ.

Growing and Dying

Today I have been thinking a lot about the processes of life we go through. God has truly blessed us in so many ways, even down to the very end. The excitement in our youth about the days to come Then the joy that new birth brings. We get to watch our children go through those same things, with joy and fulfillment like no other. Then we watch our parents pass, the deterioration that happens as our bodies age. We see in our aged parents the regrets and satisfaction from various decisions that they have made. We can rejoice with them and honor them by listening to their advice and carrying on the wisdom they give us. This too is a blessing. Even though we have sorrow, joy comes in the morning. One day, if our parents believe in The Truth, we will rejoice again with them.

What a great week!

We have had a very eventful week here. It started off pretty difficult with our heating unit going out. We ended up having to replace the unit but found out on the same day that we were going to get enough money back from our tax returns to cover the expense. I am so grateful to God for providing for us(like I should have ever doubted, right?) Then today Jason got to take the day off to start our 4 day weekend. My Mil will be keeping the kids tomorrow night. I am super excited to spend time with him. I know I have been terrible about photos but the camera I got from my Dad has a battery life of 10 minutes and my other one just stinks. I know I need to invest in another one soon. These moments won't happen again. So here's to a great God and a blessed weekend!

Question about the Ark of the Covenant/Temple

We know that the ark of the covenant is somewhere, right? It has to be if we are going to build a new temple. Could it be possible that Aaron's descendent's are still around? God ordained them to be the priests forever, right? When the new temple is built, won't they have to come forward? Can you tell I've been reading Leviticus? lol I don't know how the new covenant fits in with the old but if there is someone out there that does know, enlighten me! :)

July is a busy month!

Here we are in July and I am so thankful. This month has a lot going on and most of it is quite exciting! Let's see.. we have Independence of course, then there is my sister's bday, my anniversary, my Dh's bday, my FIL's bday, and there is a possibility that I will find out if my Dad is moving closer to us. Very exciting.
This last month has been very challenging to me. God is working on my heart on many fronts, mainly just dying to self. It is a continual process that I wish could end but self just won't go away until we take that final breath. I have struggled with worrying about the future(today, tomorrow, 20 years from now) and he is teaching me to just focus on today. Notice I didn't say WORRY about today. Worrying is, after all, a sin. It is a commandment NOT to worry. Matthew 6:25 So I have been trying to focus on what I can do today to honor God. It has been very difficult for me but God has blessed me, despite my failures, in that he has comforted me throughout the whole process. He has been there when my mind starts to wonder, reminding me that I shouldn't go that route. I am grateful!
On another note, something really neat happened yesterday. Our neighbor is moving and she decided she didn't want to move all her long term food storage so she divided it up between another neighbor and us. It is a ton of food. We are praising God for her generosity! I just have to find a place for it now! lol Thankfully, I have been working on the garage for a while, cleaning and getting rid of stuff we don't need. Hopefully I will find a good spot.
I will leave with a great little quote I heard yesterday.
"How is your righteousness in the midst of affliction?"

Martin Luther on the ordinary duties of family life

"What then does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks upon
all these insignificant, distasteful, and despised duties in the Spirit, and
is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the
costliest gold and jewels. It says, O God, because I am certain that thou
hast created me as a man and hast from my body begotten this child,
I also know for a certainty that it meets with thy perfect pleasure. I confess
to thee that I am not worthy to rock the little babe or wash its diapers,
or to be entrusted with the care of the child and its mother. How
is it that I, without any merit, have come to this distinction of being
certain that I am serving thy creature and thy most precious will? O
how gladly will I do so, though the duties should be even more insignificant
and despised. Neither frost nor heat, neither drudgery nor labor,
will distress or dissuade me, for I am certain that it is thus pleasing in
thy sight. . . . God, with all his angels and creatures is smiling—not
because the father is washing diapers, but because he is doing so in
Christian faith."

Judgement

I was listening to a sermon yesterday in the car that was very good. The pastor said there was a conversation between two women where they were talking about being judged. They were saying they didn't want to be judged by others. He said he didn't reply to them but thought they were completely wrong. He said everyone wants to be judged, we just want that judgment to be positive. I thought about that and it is so true! We live out our lives with the hope and expectation that others will judge us in a positive light. But if that doesn't happen, it can shake our belief in ourselves. Then I thought about God. Do I do things with the hope and expectation that he will judge me positively? Yes! But it's funny how this relationship is so different than others. The truth is that there is nothing that I can do that would incline him to look on me in a positive light. It's just not going to happen. The only way that he would look down on me and see me that way is if he sees his son covering me with HIS righteousness. All the good things I do don't mean a hill of beans without Christ. Therefore, everything that I do for the kingdom of God must be done with the acknowledgment that it is only by Christ's strength that I can do them. This humbles us instead of making us boast in ourselves, which is what we tend to do when we impress others. This is one of the reasons why Deuteronomy 6:5-9 is important. To remind us our place lest we forget. To remind us of where our strength and source of life comes from. Job 34 is a good passage to read. So today I pray that I walk humbly about with the goal of glorifying God through my thoughts and actions. That they be a pleasing aroma to him but only through Christ can it be so.