Internal Dialogue

When dealing with bad habits, internal dialogue can be a major stumbling block! I have realized that I will almost always talk myself into the thing that I shouldn't do. So, this is what I have started doing. Every time I begin to reason with myself about something, I stop and go to the Word of God. I know that there is complete truth in that. I say the Lord's prayer(after all, he did teach us how to pray), and then I continue with praises to him. We are not trustable(is that a word?).

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8

Whenever you find yourself struggling, stop discussing it in the hopes that it will go away. Just lean on the truth.

Today is Summer's birthday. She's three! We won't have her party until Sunday but I just had to give her something special this morning. That's Charlotte in the background.

The Burden of the Day

George Macdonald said:
"It has been well said that no man ever sank under the burden of the day. It's when tomorrow's burden is added to the burden of today that the weight is more than a man can bare."

Linda Dillow quoted this in her book
Calm my anxious Heart

Yesterday was really nice. I got so much done yesterday morning that I was able to go off when my Mil came over to watch the kids. I thought I wasn't going to be able to because there were several things I needed to get done. I had a few things left but nothing that 10 minutes wouldn't take care of. I was able to go to the homeschool bookstore and look around. I ran a few erands that needed to get done and then I picked Jason up from work. We had a shake and went to the bookstore(our favorite place to go when it's wet and cold). I love being reminded how much I love him! He had to run to the store last night and he happened to get me a flower.

Back from retreat

I am back from the women's retreat that I went to this weekend. I had a great time. Though I am mentally exhausted, just from pondering my life etc... It's hard to put a magnifying glass to all your issues. We didn't go to church yesterday because everyone was really needy of each other. So we just stayed home and got filled back up again.It was great. The retreat was on despising the day of small things. There were a lot of great points that our leader shared. Here are some of the things that I walked away with
~ Everything is ordained by God, even the small things. If we despise the small things, we despise the God who ordained them
~Small things are a chain that links the beginning of something to the end. If we leave out the small things, we will likely not get to the end.
~This is something I thought about. Small things are memories, right? Sometimes small things are what makes life hard or a project hard. If we didn't have those small things, we wouldn't rejoice as much when we finished. Usually when finishing something we look back on how hard it was to get there.
~Our leader pointed this out. In order to figure out the main calling in your life for RIGHT NOW is to ask yourself. What can only I do? For me, only I can be a mother to my kids and a wife to my husband. Obviously, this is only a small part of what God's calling would likely be but it's a great place to start.
~I was thinking about Jesus and his life from beginning to the cross. All those "small things" in between are what guides us as believers. We see his love and humility among other things because of all these things that he does. If he had just came and then died(finished) I don't think we would have fully appreciated his sacrifice. On top of that, we wouldn't have had an example to live by. So the small things were a link to the finish. Thank you God for the small things!

What a Green Shake looks like

This is what I put in my green shake this morning. A banana, some nuts, mixed fruit and collards on top. This is my vitamix blender.



This is what comes out.



I drink half and then enjoy a cup of hot tea to warm me back up. Today I had an orange tea. After the tea I am usually pretty full. So about 45 minutes later I will drink the rest.

A day in the woods

We had a blast yesterday, despite the difficulty of juggling Alex and Andrew. I thought I would upload some pics.

Today we are supposed to go over a ladies house and do games and crafts. I am excited but a bit nervous. She lives about 30 min from here so I am praying that the kids will be good for me in the car. I am planning on taking some pictures as well. So hopefully I will be able to post some later today. I believe I am done with the eating disorder series(unless I think of some other things to add) so I will start on the cleaning one soon. I NEED to!LOL I will be green shakin it today(meaning mostly green shakes consumed) to get my energy back up. That sickness drained me! I will add walnuts, bananas, mixed fruit, and collards. That is one of my favorite combos! I might add an orange if I get to craving it. Jason loves apples in his. He says it can replace bananas for a base. Apples sometimes give me tummy problems so I am staying away from too many. Have a blessed day!

Let's get practical! - Part 5

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5,

Ok, so let's start talking about behavior. Here is a step by step approach to fighting the behavior:
First, make a list of everything that brings you joy or that you like to do. Beside each thing, right out how long it usually takes you to do that thing. Go through these steps when you feel that wave heading your way.
1. How am I feeling?
a.Craving(craving is NOT hungry, you just want to eat), go to step 3
b.Hungry-go to step 2
c.Worried about what you ate? go to step 4
2. Eat a grapefruit(this is very safe and good for you!)-go back to beginning
3. Chose to do three things from your list you made and make sure to do them for the required amount of time. Re-evaluate after your done.
4. Realize that a. So what if you become fat? Your are going to grow ugly no matter what you do! But at least you will be healthier and happier.
b. Go through the Bible verses that you have used to renew your mind and remember the power of God's grace.
c.Changing yesterdays failures into tomorrow's successes means changing today!
d. Having energy is worth more and will enable you more than weakness.
e. Remember your worth through God's eyes. Would he leave you if you ate too much? Of course not.

I pray that these steps will give you at least more freedom than you had before. Be encouraged.

Picking up the pieces..everyday - Part 4

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

For those that have had complete healing from their eating disorder, that is wonderful! This is for those that continue to struggle. Everyday is a battle, I know. It's the same thing. In the beginning of your recovery journey you might not even get a break between days. It was like that for me. I counted minutes of the hour. God, please just let me get to x o'clock before those feelings engulf me! It changes as you step through recovery and renew your mind. You will begin to have the morning free! Can you imagine a whole morning without those waves that smother you down? Then you will even have whole days where you made it through. I know this seems impossible. There will be times however, that it seems like you have reverted back. Don't let the enemy get into your head. Don't let those negative thoughts come rushing in because they will destroy your renewed mind. Turn it around and say "God, I praise you that you have given me so many hours, days etc.. without being swallowed by this addiction. Help me to move forward, and leave these negative feelings in the pit where they belong." This is when you stop thinking about eating. Go do something else, away from the kitchen! Here's an exercise that has helped me. In the next part I will get more practical
1.Write down everything that you think about yourself, good and bad. Make sure to include physical attributes
2. Take it to the Creator. If you showed God your list, what do you think he would say about those things? Would he point out lies that you have come to believe because of someone else's mirror?
3. Take the lies that you have discovered and ask "Why do I believe that?" Where does it come from? Recognize it, then replace it with the truth. ie...God made me like this so that ......
4. Write these truths down and say them when you start thinking about the lies.

Mirror, Mirror - Part 3

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Whose mirror are you looking into? There are several to choose from and all are different from one another. There is the mirror that you look into when you listen and take to heart what someone else says about you. It doesn’t have to be just physical attributes either. There is the mirror in your bathroom. It doesn’t see any character attributes. It speaks purely on a physical level. So, whatever you take away from that mirror, make sure it stays physical. In other words, just because that outfit doesn’t fit you right, it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. Then there is God’s mirror. Now, you have to be a believer in the God of the Bible to be able to understand the worth of this mirror. I won’t go into how to become a Christian, but you are welcome to email me and I will explain. This mirror is special because it sees all. This mirror is truth. It has no flaws. Sometimes it’s painful to look into it and sometimes it’s comforting. But it is always beneficial. God’s mirror is the one we need to look into to set our worth. It’s ok to look into the other mirrors but to set your worth by them, not a good idea! So, how do we look into God’s mirror? He’s way up there and we’re way down here, right (Actually, if you’re a believer, he’s right beside you)? The Bible. It is what we look at to determine our worth and change the flaws we see in ourselves through it, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Looking to the Bible for our worth is truly the beginning of healing. Knowing that we have a Father, who will never leave us and will forever love us, despite ourselves, is comforting. Not that this will change your behavior immediately but it will give you the desire to keep on renewing your mind through memorizing scripture and praying. It will put away almost all desire to end your life. You will be able to thank God for the few or many hours of joy that each day brings. You will be grateful for the vast many hours he gives you to keep trying. Thank God that we have time, or the illusion of it.

Upcoming Cleaning series

It's about that time. The baby is getting bigger and this disorganization has too. I decided what I am going to do. Instead of coming up with a schedule of random things, I am going to go by the order of what I see from the time I get up in the morning. For instance, I see my bedroom first. So, that's the first room on my list. Next is the bathroom. The idea is that I will eventually get to all the parts of the house. The reason I am doing it this way is so that the first things I see are encouraging instead of overwhelming. One step at a time!

Why Me? - Part 2

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Why me?
There were so many times that I asked this question. Why couldn’t I just be one of the normal people? Even before the eating issues started, I was different. I never fit in. Little did I realize that most people, at one point or another, feel like they don’t fit in. In an attempt to understand why, I have thought more about my past than that of the present. Trying to find that “ah ha, so that’s why. “ It’s good to understand why. It’s not good to sit in it, wallow in it, and bring others in it with you. This is what happens a lot of times. Eating disorders consume. What’s in your thoughts will come out in one form or another and you will bring others into your world. A world of irrational ideas. It might seem like no one understands or they don’t care. That’s probably not true. They just don’t get you. They don’t see what you see. It’s not your job to make them see what you see. In order to get better, you do not need to bring everyone into your world. You need to get out of your world. The first thing, a very important foundation for recovering, is to forgive those that hurt you as a child. Just do it, choose to forgive, and let go. Then don’t visit them again.

I am feeling much better after a battle with pnemonia. Summer still has a touch of the flu but she is getting better. Thankfully, Jason took the week off and we recieved several meals and prayers from our church family. THANK YOU! Thanks to my sis and Mom for checking up on me and "making sure Jason had it right." It's so nice to have medical people in the family.
On a side note, I will be working on the current series dealing with eating disorders and will post it tomorrow.

I think we have the flu. Yuk. The weird thing is, we haven't been around anyone that was sick. I don't know how we got this thing. I was feeling better yesterday, even got my apron pretty much done. I started sewing a skirt as well. Jason rested for most of yesterday so he is feeling better, thankfully. Oh how we take our health for granted!

A Tornado in the making - Part 1

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Just as a tornado draws it’s beginning and power from certain conditions in the atmosphere, addictions draw their beginning and power from the conditions that surround our life. In other words, if the atmosphere is right, a destructive and terrifying storm begins to brew.
I had a good childhood. I had parents, I had a sister, and I had an undeniable feeling that God was always with me. I have always had a desire to give. That desire, unfortunately, sent me searching for a sign that my efforts were appreciated. I never got that sign. Therefore, I went looking for what people did appreciate. Beauty. I saw it all around me in school. I saw it in my mother’s excitement when my sister lost weight. I saw what lack of beauty did. The depression my mother struggled with because of her weight. The ridicule I received in school. It was undeniable. Beauty equaled happiness. I was not happy.
My search for happiness began in middle school. The first step was obvious. I had to get my obese body in shape. I had to stop eating what I wanted to. I had to exercise. This was only logical. Back then(as if it really were that long ago), it was acknowledged that you could eat whatever you wanted as long as it was low fat. So I told myself (I was 12) that eating a whole carton of Fig Newton’s would be fine if they were fat free. Yes, I gained weight. I then drew the conclusion that not eating much at all would be better. This worked. I lost weight and got “more” happy. I thought, this little bit of happiness sure is nice. I continued on in my quest. This was the first stage of my eating disorder. I went from clinically obese to clinically anorexic.
I was starving. I was not happy. I don’t remember when, how, or why but somehow, I became bulimic. From the very beginning I knew that this was not the solution but I couldn’t stop. Even when I tried to accept my body for what it was, I couldn’t stop the cravings, It was a ferocious unsatisfied monster that consumed the rest of my teenage life. I was not a giving person anymore. I tried to see a couple of therapist but I already knew what they were saying to me. I went to an inpatient facility called Mercy Ministries. But after one week there, I realized that that was not the solution. Three years after that I was hospitalized for suicidal ideations. I became withdrawn, disturbed, and desperate for God to take it away. I would cry out, night after night, for God to reach down and jerk it from me. He didn’t. He didn’t even say a word. I thought he had left me alone to defeat this beast by myself. He didn’t. Over the past two years I have been involved in an intense study. The study of me and my relationship to The Controller(God). The following articles are a result of what he, in his grace and wisdom, has taught me. Yes, he finally spoke to me. But, he didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear.

Help for Eating Disorders - Intro

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Introduction
Let me just start off by saying that what I write on here about this topic is not meant to be a “cure” for you or me. Eating disorders (or any other form of addiction) are difficult, plain and simple. It takes a long time to get past a belief system that has been used as a way to deal with various issues. I am not a crusader. I will not claim that what works for me will work for you. The main reason I am writing this is because there are very few resources that give a step by step approach to dealing with the feelings associated with eating disorders. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of reprogramming your mind before you can even begin attacking the behavior. If you have ever had difficulty with your eating, or any other form of addiction, please read the following articles. Have hope that your life, bought with great price, can be rewarding. Even if you had four good days out of seven, wouldn’t it all be worth it? Part 1 is to follow. I will tell you my brief history(just so that you know that I've "been there"). I am going to touch on the following subjects in the parts to come:
1.Why
2.How(who's fault is it?)
3.Attitude toward accusers
4.Who's mirror (yours, other people's, or God's)
5.Worth(yours and other people's through God)
6.Why fight?
7.Avoiding self condemnation
8.Renewing your mind
9.Accepting the truth and denying the lies
10.Saying goodbye to the comfort of control and finding comfort in The Controller
11.Actual steps to stop or hold off the behavior
12.Long term expectations
Stayed tuned..

We are still pretty sick



There is a bright side, Jason is staying home.

Toby and Summer,taken by Kaitlyn



Just standing there, looking sooooo sweet.




I just couldn't resist showering them with leaves!

How to make a Green Shake

Update to this post: I have a video up now if you would like to take a look. How to make a green shake

I was asked about green shakes from a group I am in and I sent this in reply. I decided to post it here as well.
Green shakes are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time! The kids beg me for them. The biggest benefits from green shakes are as follows;
1.Energy!
2.Drinking a meal instead of eating(comes in handy when you have kids..lol)
3.Nutrients
4.Healing benefits
I am going to start putting some recipes on my blog for them but to be honest, anything goes. Here are some combinations I use
1 banana(or more if you really like them) as a good base, then add:
-Strawberries(frozen works great because it makes it “shakey”) I usually will put about 4-5 strawberries(these are the big ones from the frozen strawberry bag from Sam’s)
-Frozen Mixed fruit
-a Pear
-an apple
- an orange(great for sickness)
-Mango(my favorite, but I haven’t been able to find good ones lately)
Then add your greens(I usually put in about 1 cup to 2 cups of greens. Start small at first-1/2 cup) Your body will soon start to crave more!
Spinach(good for first timers because it is milder)
Collards(my favorite)
Kale(dh’s favorite)
Mustard-spicey
Most days I will also add about ½ - 1 serving of nuts as well. I usually have about 2 servings of nuts a day.
I have put old fashioned oats in my shake and that works great as a thickener. I have put raw cacao in them and it tastes great with Strawberries. I usually add enough water to where the blender is flowing smoothly. You might let any frozen fruits sit in the water a bit to make blending easier. Blend long enough to where there are no discernable pieces of greens. That is important. If you want, you can come over and I will show you how easy it is! I usually have about 2-3 shakes a day. These fill a big mason jar. I eat, on average, 6 times throughout the day. When eating raw, you really can eat as much as your body needs. If you do a search on raw food, you will come across several good websites. Just do a search within a forum on green smoothies. There are tons of ideas(including putting superfoods and such in your shake like maca powder(I have done this), and weeds like dandelion leaves(I have some waiting to be used). Let me know how things turn out if you try it. If you are interested in making the MOST excellent shakes, go for the vitamix. There is a link on my sidebar to get it.

It's 4:40 and boy am I glad! I think I got about 2 hrs of sleep last night. All of my boys are running a fever and Alex did finally throw up(he was acting like he needed to all evening yesterday). Andrew's temp last night got up to 102.8. I will call the doc today and find out whether or not I need to bring him in. The only reason I didn't freak out about it was the fact that he was still eating. I just praise God for the body's natural ability to fight. Fever's are so scary but so important! It just means that the body is doing what God intended for it to do. I am praying this is just a 12 hour bug.

Today Toby and Alex have been really sick. Don't have much time to write but I will have some pics of us uploaded tomorrow.

Well, I thought for sure that we would all be better now, considering that we are taking zicam. Kaitlyn still feels bad, and Charlotte has a touch of it now. I have a sore throat but it's not that bad. Andrew still has it, though not near as bad as Kaitlyn.
Last night I went to Earth Fare to see if they had Sambu-Gaurd for kids there(they didn't) and it was a really different experience. As I drove through downtown, there were so many bars and restaurants that were packed. I started to long for the day when Jason and I could "be out that late" and not have to worry about kids. The funny thing is, we wouldn't be going to a bar or restaurant if we had a chance. I had to remind myself of that as I envied those I drove by. Then, I had to ask forgiveness for desiring the "freedom" that these people had. I realized that I get to go home to 7 people who love me. I have a husband that, even when I don't have "freedom", makes me feel like I do. I do long for the day when we can go hiking again. But those moments will be sweeter the longer we have to wait. Maybe that's what waiting for heaven is like. We go through all these things on earth and the longer we're here makes arriving there all the better.

"Amazing Grace" by Chris Tomlin

How Great is our God

Great Sermon

This is a great sermon.

Mentoring

As I was looking over Scott Brown's blog he made a reference to an article written by Alan Jacobs. He says "Right now, and for the foreseeable future, the blogosphere is the friend of information but the enemy of thought." This is so true. It then led me to think about the many women that have to swarm to the internet for support because there is not any mentors for them locally. What happened to us that we have to use the internet to learn how to clean, love, and just plain be a woman? Have you ever found a good mentor? One that teaches the God given role of women?

Mango green shake...no more

Well, I spent $8.00 at Sam's for a bunch of mango. There weren't any that were good! I am so sad. I love mango in my green shakes. I had strawberries instead(a nice alternative). I have been having oats with banana for breakfast, green shakes for snacks(2), a big plate of veggie slices with avocado(mushed up with lemon and garlic powder) for lunch, and oats again for dinner. I also have a grapefruit before bed usually. I am having to really get simple because of my digestive system(as a result of my past). It is so sensitive. I have to be really careful what I eat. I do drink hot tea and coffee. This is a great improvement! I used to drink soda all the time. Now when I drink it, I am in pain on the floor from all the gas bubbles it gives me. I am so thankful that now I pay for choosing to drink them. It gives me so much motivation.

New labels section

You can see I have added an area for labels. I need to go through all my old posts and label them. Right now there is only a limited amount there.

Restful Day

We didn't go to church yesterday. Kaitlyn is like a leaky faucet. I am finding tissue everywhere! Toby was coming down with the same thing but I started him on zicam and he seems to be doing better. We just hung out at the house and had fun. Jason loves spending time with the kids. He made the comment to me "Today was a good day". I know that look in his eyes - he is refreshed. Sometimes the weekend tends to be a bit hectic with the grocery shopping, stuff that needs to get done, and church. Sometimes we look at each other at night and you can tell that neither of us are ready for the week. LOL This week should be rather straight forward. Nothing major is happening. The kids want me to continue to teach out of their school books so I will still do that. I am also going to seek out learning opportunities outside of our school books. They really enjoy that. One thing that we like alot is Google Earth. It is so useful when reading about a landmark or goegraphic location. You can see the Eiffel Tower, Statue of Liberty, and many more things! The other week we watched a video on Youtube of a guy flying over where the Jordan River meets The Sea of Galilee(We were reading about John the Baptist). It was awesome. There are so many resources available outside of our books!

Changes

As you can see, I have been playing around with my blog. Sorry about the radio thing. I thought I took it off. I now have a 3 column blog! Yay, thanks to my hubby. I am going to be adding some(hopefully)cool things so check back later.