Immutable

God is immutable. He does not change(his character). He is our rock. This brings me great comfort. This does not mean that he will not change his actions toward man. Because his character does not change, he has to deal with men according to their actions. His character is holy. He will act according to that holiness in response to sin. This brings fear to the wayward(or should anyway). Because God does not change his character, all the attributes he has will never change.

Free Math and reading lessons with questions

Shoot over to Captivatedminds for my husbands free math lessons. They come with a quiz as well. He has also taken the stories from old fashioned education and has begun to set up a kid friendly site for reading and asking questions from those stories. Right now these things are geared for first and second grade. We are continually adding to the content already there.

Easter

Pic of Sushi the raw food way

As promised, here is my sushi. I also have pickled ginger and wasabi on the plate. It was scrumptious!

Sushi the raw food way

I have a new found love, sushi the raw food way. I use grated parsnip and add a little soy sauce. Spread it over the nori, add avocado, tomato, cucumbers and roll it up and cut it. Delicious! You can also put some pickled ginger on it or some wasabi. The parsnip acts as the rice and it does a great job. Parsnip looks like a white carrot. You can usually find it at your local health food store. Want pictures? I can upload some soon.

John Calvin on the role of the housewife

John Calvin~
"All the chastity they [Nuns] pretend is nothing before God, in comparison of that that he hath appointed, that is to say, that albeit it seem but a vile thing, and a matter of none account, for a woman to take pains about housewifery, to make clean her children when they be arrayed, to kill fleas, and other such like, although this be a thing despised, yea and such, that many will not vouchsafe to look upon it, yet are they sacrifices which GOD accepteth & receiveth, as if they were things of great price and honourable.

Therefore let women study this lesson day and night that first of all they may play the housewives: and if women were the most negligent in the world, yet is there here matter enough to awaken them, and to correct this idleness. And how? If we take pains, we serve GOD, and not men. Again, when a man seeth his wife employ herself all the day long to do her duty, let him also consider whereunto God hath called him, that he also for his part may do his duty. For a man is not born to idleness, nor a woman.

Therefore...let women cast their eyes hither, for there is occasion enough to correct their slothfulness, when they shall see that the question is of serving God. And how? When they fall to kneading (as the proverb is) and apply themselves to good use, & flee not the subjection which God hath set them in: for this is to strive against GOD, when a man doth not follow his vocation, which is our true rule, that is to say, that that we have to do, & what God appointeth every one of us, according to the state, whereunto he is called. Therefore let women have this mark to shoot at, & say, well, although the world have no regard of me, yet must I find myself occupied here, for so God commandeth me. And thus much touching the first, how women have to take occasion to be diligent: and moreover also they have to consider, that when they do their duty and execute their office, God accepteth well of it, although men despise it.

And if men say, “What is this? A woman playeth the housewife, she spinneth on her distaff, and this is all that women can do.” As in deed there are a number of fools that when they speak of women’s distaffs, of seeing to their children, will make a scorn of it, and despise it. But what then? What saith the heavenly Judge? That he is well pleased with it, and accepteth of it, and putteth it in his reckoning. So then let women learn to rejoice when they do their duty, and though the world despise it, let this comfort sweeten all respect they might have that way, and say, “God seeth me here, and his Angels, who are sufficient witnesses of my doings, although the world do not allow of them.”

Something to think about

Quote from R.C Sproul Jr:

"By God's grace we don't believe most of the cliches that rule our lives. No one actually believes, for instance, that there is no objective right and wrong. Steal their pocketbook, and you will find them swiftly appealing to some transcendent law. Neither do we really believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The most ardent aesthetic relativist does not play the sound of car crashes on their CD player. Neither does anyone actually believe that forms have no meaning, that it is only the heart that matters.

This breezy indifference to form is bolstered in the church by the words of Jesus. When He met the woman at the well and she asked about the proper place of worship, He responded, "But the hour is coming, and now is, when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth" (John 4: 23-24). Seems like a slam dunk, doesn't it? Jesus says it doesn't matter what form our worship takes. All that matters is the heart.

But what if forms influence our hearts? Isn't it just possible that you can't fully separate forms and hearts? Consider, for a moment, a wedding. Who among us would be pleased if they were married with vows like this: "Me and you. I won't sleep around on you. I won't leave you until you keel over." How does that compare with "forsaking all others, till death do us part." The formal forms that are a part of our weddings do not make the ceremony sacred. All they do is help us remember that they are sacred.

Which is why it actually matters how we dress when we gather together to worship the living God. It's true enough that God looks on the inside rather than the outside. It is also true that He is apt to see a casual approach to worship if He is looking at the heart of someone dressed casually. Why is it, I wonder, that we are willing to come to worship dressed like it's casual Friday at the office, but we would be unwilling to dress this way, were we to meet the President? Why is it, that we would never dress in jeans and a polo for our wedding, but we would when we come to feast with our Husband on His day? It is because we have listened to the serpent.

I am not arguing that all men everywhere must where an expensive suit when they gather to worship. I'm not suggesting that we ought to sit about our pews mentally doling out grades to those around us, looking down our patrician noses at others. I am suggesting, however, that we ought to come to worship in our best. I'm not suggesting that we do this so that God will take our worship seriously. I am suggesting that we do this so that we will take our worship seriously. I'm not suggesting that worship is only a somber and serious event. It is, like a wedding, a joyful event - a joyful, somber and serious event. The truth is this—spirit is influenced by bodies. And our bodies should reflect our spirits. We are meeting our King. We are meeting our Groom. We are coming into the presence of the living God. If we dress as though this is something important, perhaps we would better understand how important it is. Perhaps we would in turn teach our children the same."

When You Rise Up

R.C Sproul Jr.'s book When You Rise Up is amazing. I will finish the rest of it today. It is very hard to read, very "convicting". Many would NOT agree with it. It says the book is a convenantal approach to homeschooling but I would say that it even has application to other areas of our lives.

Holy

Websters 1828 dictionary defines holy as:
"Properly, whole, entire or perfect, in a moral sense. Hence, pure in heart, temper or dispositions; free from sin and sinful affections. Applied to the Supreme Being, holy signifies perfectly pure, immaculate and complete in moral character"
If you look up holy in today's dictionary, it is:
"exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness"
What a difference!

Piano: Guided Sight Reading

This was a fantastic book! It talks about the traditional method(seperate hands, disection) of learning the piano verses his way(reading as a whole, without looking at hands even from the beginning). I relate this book to speed reading for the piano. I am going to try and implement this in my own playing. I think Kaitlyn would benefit greatly from it. By the way, this is a rather old book, written in 1950. Gotta love old books!

Better Saturday

Finally, we had a pretty easy going Saturday. Well, maybe not easy going but at least we were all together! We went to Earth Fare early this morning only to run into the tail end of the St Patricks parrade. The kids enjoyed it so we didn't mind having to park a ways off. After that we came home and had lunch. The older girls then went with me to Sam's for our weekly shopping. We had so much fun coming home and messing around in the yard. I planted my seedlings but they looked so fragile as I put them in. I don't know if they are going to survive! Then we just played in the yard until the storm came. Nice and ominous clouds surrounded us reming us how mighty and awesome our God is! I love storms.

Enjoying great books

I am swamped with a load of great books and listening resources right now. I haven't put some of these on my book list because, well, I am reading all the time! LOL Here are some of them:
When You Rise Up by R.C. Sproul Jr.
Piano:guided sight reading by Leonhard Deutsch
Homesteading Adventures by Sue Robishaw
Your Child's Profession of Faith by Dennis Gundersen
Passionate Housewives Desperate for God
These are added to the ones on my book list that I haven't finished yet. On top of that, I am listening to The Best of the 2006 Entrepreneurial Bootcamp.
So far these Cds seem like they are going to be awesome! So many great resources. We are so lucky that we have the ability to tap into other people's lives and gain insight into areas where we would otherwise be ignorant.

Good

God is the source of all good, and He and He alone defines what is good and holy. But remember, our circumstances are not a true reflection of God’s goodness.

Foreknowledge

defined: Knowledge or awareness of something before its existence or occurrence; prescience.

The following is by John Calvin
When we attribute foreknowledge to God, we mean that all things always were, and perpetually remain, under his eyes, so that to his knowledge there is nothing future or past, but all things are present. And they are present in such a way that he not only conceives them through ideas, as we have before us those things which our minds remember, but he truly looks upon them and discerns them as things placed before him. And this foreknowledge is extended throughout the universe to every creature. We call predestination God’s eternal decree, by which he determined with himself what he willed to become of each man. For all are not created in equal condition; rather, eternal life is foreordained for some, eternal damnation for others. Therefore, as any man has been created to one or the other of these ends, we speak of him as predestined to life or death.

Ministry Opportunity

One of the things that has bothered me in the last several years is the inability to contribute(serving) to the church because of all the children I have. I was reading the book A Woman After God's Own Heart and she says that she felt the same way. She read a book that changed her perspective on things. The thought came to her that she could start a prayer ministry. It didn't require that she leave her children or home so she decided to do just that. I have always known that there were "prayer warriors" but it never clicked that it could be a potential ministry opportunity for me. I do pray for people who have requests but I have never thought of it as a ministry. What a wonderful thing! Almost like working from home. :)

Finally, some good pics of Andrew

Andrew and Papa JD

Faithful

~firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty
Revelation 19:11
Hebrews 2:17
God is faithful in MANY ways, how has he shown his faithfulness to you? It's good to look back and think of those times when we cried out to him. Praise him for the results that came out of it. Praise him for his faithfulness. If I can't think of anything(self gets in the way), I think back on the Israelite's journey thus far. How faithful God has been and continues to be, despite our unfaithfulness at times.

God - Eternal

Spurgeon:
"God was, when nothing else was. He was God when the earth was not a world but a chaos.If God himself were of yesterday, he would not be a suitable refuge for mortals. The eternal existence of God is here mentioned to set forth, by contrast, the brevity of human life."

God is eternal, apart from time. He controls it, it does not control him.

Kombucha fun

I have made kombucha..yay! It tasted awesome today. This is what I started with, given to me by my raw food friend..you know who you are! Thank you so much!










~Get a mushroom or make one from the kombucha tea you get at the health food store
~Get some tea, sugar, wooden spoons, and some type of glass jar.
~Boil quart of water, add 1/3 -1/4 cup of sugar until dissolved
~Put tea bag(should be black tea) in and let cool to room temp.
~Put mushroom(and tea that it sits in) into the jar with the tea you made.
~Put coffee filter or paper towel over it with rubberband
~Don't mess with it, put it out of direct sunlight.
~Start tasting in 4-5 days(though it could be longer depending on how warm it is. The warmer it is, the faster it's done)
***Don't use the mushroom if you see it grow hair! This isn't good.
***There will be another mushroom in there when your brew is done, separate and don't throw it away, give to a friend.. No need to kill the little thing. :(
***It will continue to ferment even without the mushroom in it. Store in frig to slow fermentation or leave on counter with a tight lid to make it more carbonated.
***Drink the brown stuff that floats in the tea, it's there for a reason and is good for you! If you just can't stand the thought of eating them, strain them.
***Remember, every mushroom is different, don't fret if yours doesn't fit in with the crowd :)

After 6 days, the mushroom makes a baby and then you can make another batch. you can see the shroom in the jar on the right.

Talent show fun

We had a great time at our church's talent show this past Friday. It was so funny! It was a talent show for the kids but afterward some of the adults did a couple of skits. Too cute. Kaitlyn got to sing and play the piano and Charlotte did a couple of magic tricks. I was soo proud of them! Mom, JD, and Grandma came to see it so that was special for them.

Spring ...Necessity Cleaning

So Spring is just around the corner and I am in the motion to clean. I told you before that I was going to start with my bathroom but every time I get a chance it seems Andrew is asleep(he sleeps in our room). So, I have started with the kitchen. I have a bag full of kitchen utensils waiting for another owner. I have started washing dishes by hand and this has been eye opening for me. If I wash dishes right away, I don't need very many extra dishes...duh. So, I will soon be giving away some dishes. I am trying to give more than consume...very hard habit to break.

Pictures from this morning

Our table after breakfast. I just love the sun shining through!







The kids sitting on the couch. Notice Kaitlyn with her current stack of books!

Our Charley Brown seedlings

We have, starting from left to right, a pizza box, a tea box containing my seed packets, an egg carton, tomato container from Sam's, and a pepper container from Sam's.

Calm My Anxious Heart

This book was awesome! Usually you can find a few great phrases to hold on to when reading a good book but this book was jammed with wonderful tidbits to memorize. I highly recommend it to all women, regardless of whether you have an anxious heart.

I figured out what has been wrong with Andrew. He has an ear infection..again. I am praying this is not a pattern. Poor little guy doesn't do so hot with pain. This week has been a survival week. Get the most important things done and worry about the rest later. It seems we are having many of those! Ugh. I really desire to garden but it has proved very challenging with a little one. We did start some seedlings. I have no idea whether they will last but I will post a pic of our charlie brown seedling trays tomorrow. I am beginning to put out coffee grounds to keep these crazy wild cats at bay. They already have started digging up my garden area and I don't even have anything in it! At least they are providing nutrients. :)

Scrapbooking fun

I had a blast with my mom this past weekend. Her church hosted a scrapbooking event to raise money for a missions trip. Here are some pics.

Here are some pics of the pages I did. These are the first few that I have ever done so I am a total amature!

Summer's Party

My cutie pie!










Quick photo with those who were hanging around..











Singing happy birthday













Summer opening presents










All of us(minus the inlaws-they're taking the picture)

Raw food friend

I have a raw food friend who lives close by! AND she is a Christian. Can you believe that? Hey Katie! She gave me a scobie (kombucha mushroom) and let me try some raw food she got from a raw food class she attended. It was great. She also brought me some homemade kombucha. Yum.
Today I am heading up to Anderson to scrapbook with my super extreme Mom. My step fathers sisters are going to be there as well. I am looking forward to the fellowship. I am going to take some pics and I will upload them later.

Internal Dialogue

When dealing with bad habits, internal dialogue can be a major stumbling block! I have realized that I will almost always talk myself into the thing that I shouldn't do. So, this is what I have started doing. Every time I begin to reason with myself about something, I stop and go to the Word of God. I know that there is complete truth in that. I say the Lord's prayer(after all, he did teach us how to pray), and then I continue with praises to him. We are not trustable(is that a word?).

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8

Whenever you find yourself struggling, stop discussing it in the hopes that it will go away. Just lean on the truth.

Today is Summer's birthday. She's three! We won't have her party until Sunday but I just had to give her something special this morning. That's Charlotte in the background.

The Burden of the Day

George Macdonald said:
"It has been well said that no man ever sank under the burden of the day. It's when tomorrow's burden is added to the burden of today that the weight is more than a man can bare."

Linda Dillow quoted this in her book
Calm my anxious Heart

Yesterday was really nice. I got so much done yesterday morning that I was able to go off when my Mil came over to watch the kids. I thought I wasn't going to be able to because there were several things I needed to get done. I had a few things left but nothing that 10 minutes wouldn't take care of. I was able to go to the homeschool bookstore and look around. I ran a few erands that needed to get done and then I picked Jason up from work. We had a shake and went to the bookstore(our favorite place to go when it's wet and cold). I love being reminded how much I love him! He had to run to the store last night and he happened to get me a flower.

Back from retreat

I am back from the women's retreat that I went to this weekend. I had a great time. Though I am mentally exhausted, just from pondering my life etc... It's hard to put a magnifying glass to all your issues. We didn't go to church yesterday because everyone was really needy of each other. So we just stayed home and got filled back up again.It was great. The retreat was on despising the day of small things. There were a lot of great points that our leader shared. Here are some of the things that I walked away with
~ Everything is ordained by God, even the small things. If we despise the small things, we despise the God who ordained them
~Small things are a chain that links the beginning of something to the end. If we leave out the small things, we will likely not get to the end.
~This is something I thought about. Small things are memories, right? Sometimes small things are what makes life hard or a project hard. If we didn't have those small things, we wouldn't rejoice as much when we finished. Usually when finishing something we look back on how hard it was to get there.
~Our leader pointed this out. In order to figure out the main calling in your life for RIGHT NOW is to ask yourself. What can only I do? For me, only I can be a mother to my kids and a wife to my husband. Obviously, this is only a small part of what God's calling would likely be but it's a great place to start.
~I was thinking about Jesus and his life from beginning to the cross. All those "small things" in between are what guides us as believers. We see his love and humility among other things because of all these things that he does. If he had just came and then died(finished) I don't think we would have fully appreciated his sacrifice. On top of that, we wouldn't have had an example to live by. So the small things were a link to the finish. Thank you God for the small things!

What a Green Shake looks like

This is what I put in my green shake this morning. A banana, some nuts, mixed fruit and collards on top. This is my vitamix blender.



This is what comes out.



I drink half and then enjoy a cup of hot tea to warm me back up. Today I had an orange tea. After the tea I am usually pretty full. So about 45 minutes later I will drink the rest.

A day in the woods

We had a blast yesterday, despite the difficulty of juggling Alex and Andrew. I thought I would upload some pics.

Today we are supposed to go over a ladies house and do games and crafts. I am excited but a bit nervous. She lives about 30 min from here so I am praying that the kids will be good for me in the car. I am planning on taking some pictures as well. So hopefully I will be able to post some later today. I believe I am done with the eating disorder series(unless I think of some other things to add) so I will start on the cleaning one soon. I NEED to!LOL I will be green shakin it today(meaning mostly green shakes consumed) to get my energy back up. That sickness drained me! I will add walnuts, bananas, mixed fruit, and collards. That is one of my favorite combos! I might add an orange if I get to craving it. Jason loves apples in his. He says it can replace bananas for a base. Apples sometimes give me tummy problems so I am staying away from too many. Have a blessed day!

Let's get practical! - Part 5

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5,

Ok, so let's start talking about behavior. Here is a step by step approach to fighting the behavior:
First, make a list of everything that brings you joy or that you like to do. Beside each thing, right out how long it usually takes you to do that thing. Go through these steps when you feel that wave heading your way.
1. How am I feeling?
a.Craving(craving is NOT hungry, you just want to eat), go to step 3
b.Hungry-go to step 2
c.Worried about what you ate? go to step 4
2. Eat a grapefruit(this is very safe and good for you!)-go back to beginning
3. Chose to do three things from your list you made and make sure to do them for the required amount of time. Re-evaluate after your done.
4. Realize that a. So what if you become fat? Your are going to grow ugly no matter what you do! But at least you will be healthier and happier.
b. Go through the Bible verses that you have used to renew your mind and remember the power of God's grace.
c.Changing yesterdays failures into tomorrow's successes means changing today!
d. Having energy is worth more and will enable you more than weakness.
e. Remember your worth through God's eyes. Would he leave you if you ate too much? Of course not.

I pray that these steps will give you at least more freedom than you had before. Be encouraged.

Picking up the pieces..everyday - Part 4

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

For those that have had complete healing from their eating disorder, that is wonderful! This is for those that continue to struggle. Everyday is a battle, I know. It's the same thing. In the beginning of your recovery journey you might not even get a break between days. It was like that for me. I counted minutes of the hour. God, please just let me get to x o'clock before those feelings engulf me! It changes as you step through recovery and renew your mind. You will begin to have the morning free! Can you imagine a whole morning without those waves that smother you down? Then you will even have whole days where you made it through. I know this seems impossible. There will be times however, that it seems like you have reverted back. Don't let the enemy get into your head. Don't let those negative thoughts come rushing in because they will destroy your renewed mind. Turn it around and say "God, I praise you that you have given me so many hours, days etc.. without being swallowed by this addiction. Help me to move forward, and leave these negative feelings in the pit where they belong." This is when you stop thinking about eating. Go do something else, away from the kitchen! Here's an exercise that has helped me. In the next part I will get more practical
1.Write down everything that you think about yourself, good and bad. Make sure to include physical attributes
2. Take it to the Creator. If you showed God your list, what do you think he would say about those things? Would he point out lies that you have come to believe because of someone else's mirror?
3. Take the lies that you have discovered and ask "Why do I believe that?" Where does it come from? Recognize it, then replace it with the truth. ie...God made me like this so that ......
4. Write these truths down and say them when you start thinking about the lies.

Mirror, Mirror - Part 3

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Whose mirror are you looking into? There are several to choose from and all are different from one another. There is the mirror that you look into when you listen and take to heart what someone else says about you. It doesn’t have to be just physical attributes either. There is the mirror in your bathroom. It doesn’t see any character attributes. It speaks purely on a physical level. So, whatever you take away from that mirror, make sure it stays physical. In other words, just because that outfit doesn’t fit you right, it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. Then there is God’s mirror. Now, you have to be a believer in the God of the Bible to be able to understand the worth of this mirror. I won’t go into how to become a Christian, but you are welcome to email me and I will explain. This mirror is special because it sees all. This mirror is truth. It has no flaws. Sometimes it’s painful to look into it and sometimes it’s comforting. But it is always beneficial. God’s mirror is the one we need to look into to set our worth. It’s ok to look into the other mirrors but to set your worth by them, not a good idea! So, how do we look into God’s mirror? He’s way up there and we’re way down here, right (Actually, if you’re a believer, he’s right beside you)? The Bible. It is what we look at to determine our worth and change the flaws we see in ourselves through it, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Looking to the Bible for our worth is truly the beginning of healing. Knowing that we have a Father, who will never leave us and will forever love us, despite ourselves, is comforting. Not that this will change your behavior immediately but it will give you the desire to keep on renewing your mind through memorizing scripture and praying. It will put away almost all desire to end your life. You will be able to thank God for the few or many hours of joy that each day brings. You will be grateful for the vast many hours he gives you to keep trying. Thank God that we have time, or the illusion of it.

Upcoming Cleaning series

It's about that time. The baby is getting bigger and this disorganization has too. I decided what I am going to do. Instead of coming up with a schedule of random things, I am going to go by the order of what I see from the time I get up in the morning. For instance, I see my bedroom first. So, that's the first room on my list. Next is the bathroom. The idea is that I will eventually get to all the parts of the house. The reason I am doing it this way is so that the first things I see are encouraging instead of overwhelming. One step at a time!

Why Me? - Part 2

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Why me?
There were so many times that I asked this question. Why couldn’t I just be one of the normal people? Even before the eating issues started, I was different. I never fit in. Little did I realize that most people, at one point or another, feel like they don’t fit in. In an attempt to understand why, I have thought more about my past than that of the present. Trying to find that “ah ha, so that’s why. “ It’s good to understand why. It’s not good to sit in it, wallow in it, and bring others in it with you. This is what happens a lot of times. Eating disorders consume. What’s in your thoughts will come out in one form or another and you will bring others into your world. A world of irrational ideas. It might seem like no one understands or they don’t care. That’s probably not true. They just don’t get you. They don’t see what you see. It’s not your job to make them see what you see. In order to get better, you do not need to bring everyone into your world. You need to get out of your world. The first thing, a very important foundation for recovering, is to forgive those that hurt you as a child. Just do it, choose to forgive, and let go. Then don’t visit them again.

I am feeling much better after a battle with pnemonia. Summer still has a touch of the flu but she is getting better. Thankfully, Jason took the week off and we recieved several meals and prayers from our church family. THANK YOU! Thanks to my sis and Mom for checking up on me and "making sure Jason had it right." It's so nice to have medical people in the family.
On a side note, I will be working on the current series dealing with eating disorders and will post it tomorrow.

I think we have the flu. Yuk. The weird thing is, we haven't been around anyone that was sick. I don't know how we got this thing. I was feeling better yesterday, even got my apron pretty much done. I started sewing a skirt as well. Jason rested for most of yesterday so he is feeling better, thankfully. Oh how we take our health for granted!

A Tornado in the making - Part 1

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Just as a tornado draws it’s beginning and power from certain conditions in the atmosphere, addictions draw their beginning and power from the conditions that surround our life. In other words, if the atmosphere is right, a destructive and terrifying storm begins to brew.
I had a good childhood. I had parents, I had a sister, and I had an undeniable feeling that God was always with me. I have always had a desire to give. That desire, unfortunately, sent me searching for a sign that my efforts were appreciated. I never got that sign. Therefore, I went looking for what people did appreciate. Beauty. I saw it all around me in school. I saw it in my mother’s excitement when my sister lost weight. I saw what lack of beauty did. The depression my mother struggled with because of her weight. The ridicule I received in school. It was undeniable. Beauty equaled happiness. I was not happy.
My search for happiness began in middle school. The first step was obvious. I had to get my obese body in shape. I had to stop eating what I wanted to. I had to exercise. This was only logical. Back then(as if it really were that long ago), it was acknowledged that you could eat whatever you wanted as long as it was low fat. So I told myself (I was 12) that eating a whole carton of Fig Newton’s would be fine if they were fat free. Yes, I gained weight. I then drew the conclusion that not eating much at all would be better. This worked. I lost weight and got “more” happy. I thought, this little bit of happiness sure is nice. I continued on in my quest. This was the first stage of my eating disorder. I went from clinically obese to clinically anorexic.
I was starving. I was not happy. I don’t remember when, how, or why but somehow, I became bulimic. From the very beginning I knew that this was not the solution but I couldn’t stop. Even when I tried to accept my body for what it was, I couldn’t stop the cravings, It was a ferocious unsatisfied monster that consumed the rest of my teenage life. I was not a giving person anymore. I tried to see a couple of therapist but I already knew what they were saying to me. I went to an inpatient facility called Mercy Ministries. But after one week there, I realized that that was not the solution. Three years after that I was hospitalized for suicidal ideations. I became withdrawn, disturbed, and desperate for God to take it away. I would cry out, night after night, for God to reach down and jerk it from me. He didn’t. He didn’t even say a word. I thought he had left me alone to defeat this beast by myself. He didn’t. Over the past two years I have been involved in an intense study. The study of me and my relationship to The Controller(God). The following articles are a result of what he, in his grace and wisdom, has taught me. Yes, he finally spoke to me. But, he didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear.

Help for Eating Disorders - Intro

This is part of a series
Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Introduction
Let me just start off by saying that what I write on here about this topic is not meant to be a “cure” for you or me. Eating disorders (or any other form of addiction) are difficult, plain and simple. It takes a long time to get past a belief system that has been used as a way to deal with various issues. I am not a crusader. I will not claim that what works for me will work for you. The main reason I am writing this is because there are very few resources that give a step by step approach to dealing with the feelings associated with eating disorders. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of reprogramming your mind before you can even begin attacking the behavior. If you have ever had difficulty with your eating, or any other form of addiction, please read the following articles. Have hope that your life, bought with great price, can be rewarding. Even if you had four good days out of seven, wouldn’t it all be worth it? Part 1 is to follow. I will tell you my brief history(just so that you know that I've "been there"). I am going to touch on the following subjects in the parts to come:
1.Why
2.How(who's fault is it?)
3.Attitude toward accusers
4.Who's mirror (yours, other people's, or God's)
5.Worth(yours and other people's through God)
6.Why fight?
7.Avoiding self condemnation
8.Renewing your mind
9.Accepting the truth and denying the lies
10.Saying goodbye to the comfort of control and finding comfort in The Controller
11.Actual steps to stop or hold off the behavior
12.Long term expectations
Stayed tuned..

We are still pretty sick



There is a bright side, Jason is staying home.

Toby and Summer,taken by Kaitlyn



Just standing there, looking sooooo sweet.




I just couldn't resist showering them with leaves!

How to make a Green Shake

Update to this post: I have a video up now if you would like to take a look. How to make a green shake

I was asked about green shakes from a group I am in and I sent this in reply. I decided to post it here as well.
Green shakes are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time! The kids beg me for them. The biggest benefits from green shakes are as follows;
1.Energy!
2.Drinking a meal instead of eating(comes in handy when you have kids..lol)
3.Nutrients
4.Healing benefits
I am going to start putting some recipes on my blog for them but to be honest, anything goes. Here are some combinations I use
1 banana(or more if you really like them) as a good base, then add:
-Strawberries(frozen works great because it makes it “shakey”) I usually will put about 4-5 strawberries(these are the big ones from the frozen strawberry bag from Sam’s)
-Frozen Mixed fruit
-a Pear
-an apple
- an orange(great for sickness)
-Mango(my favorite, but I haven’t been able to find good ones lately)
Then add your greens(I usually put in about 1 cup to 2 cups of greens. Start small at first-1/2 cup) Your body will soon start to crave more!
Spinach(good for first timers because it is milder)
Collards(my favorite)
Kale(dh’s favorite)
Mustard-spicey
Most days I will also add about ½ - 1 serving of nuts as well. I usually have about 2 servings of nuts a day.
I have put old fashioned oats in my shake and that works great as a thickener. I have put raw cacao in them and it tastes great with Strawberries. I usually add enough water to where the blender is flowing smoothly. You might let any frozen fruits sit in the water a bit to make blending easier. Blend long enough to where there are no discernable pieces of greens. That is important. If you want, you can come over and I will show you how easy it is! I usually have about 2-3 shakes a day. These fill a big mason jar. I eat, on average, 6 times throughout the day. When eating raw, you really can eat as much as your body needs. If you do a search on raw food, you will come across several good websites. Just do a search within a forum on green smoothies. There are tons of ideas(including putting superfoods and such in your shake like maca powder(I have done this), and weeds like dandelion leaves(I have some waiting to be used). Let me know how things turn out if you try it. If you are interested in making the MOST excellent shakes, go for the vitamix. There is a link on my sidebar to get it.

It's 4:40 and boy am I glad! I think I got about 2 hrs of sleep last night. All of my boys are running a fever and Alex did finally throw up(he was acting like he needed to all evening yesterday). Andrew's temp last night got up to 102.8. I will call the doc today and find out whether or not I need to bring him in. The only reason I didn't freak out about it was the fact that he was still eating. I just praise God for the body's natural ability to fight. Fever's are so scary but so important! It just means that the body is doing what God intended for it to do. I am praying this is just a 12 hour bug.

Today Toby and Alex have been really sick. Don't have much time to write but I will have some pics of us uploaded tomorrow.

Well, I thought for sure that we would all be better now, considering that we are taking zicam. Kaitlyn still feels bad, and Charlotte has a touch of it now. I have a sore throat but it's not that bad. Andrew still has it, though not near as bad as Kaitlyn.
Last night I went to Earth Fare to see if they had Sambu-Gaurd for kids there(they didn't) and it was a really different experience. As I drove through downtown, there were so many bars and restaurants that were packed. I started to long for the day when Jason and I could "be out that late" and not have to worry about kids. The funny thing is, we wouldn't be going to a bar or restaurant if we had a chance. I had to remind myself of that as I envied those I drove by. Then, I had to ask forgiveness for desiring the "freedom" that these people had. I realized that I get to go home to 7 people who love me. I have a husband that, even when I don't have "freedom", makes me feel like I do. I do long for the day when we can go hiking again. But those moments will be sweeter the longer we have to wait. Maybe that's what waiting for heaven is like. We go through all these things on earth and the longer we're here makes arriving there all the better.

"Amazing Grace" by Chris Tomlin

How Great is our God

Great Sermon

This is a great sermon.

Mentoring

As I was looking over Scott Brown's blog he made a reference to an article written by Alan Jacobs. He says "Right now, and for the foreseeable future, the blogosphere is the friend of information but the enemy of thought." This is so true. It then led me to think about the many women that have to swarm to the internet for support because there is not any mentors for them locally. What happened to us that we have to use the internet to learn how to clean, love, and just plain be a woman? Have you ever found a good mentor? One that teaches the God given role of women?

Mango green shake...no more

Well, I spent $8.00 at Sam's for a bunch of mango. There weren't any that were good! I am so sad. I love mango in my green shakes. I had strawberries instead(a nice alternative). I have been having oats with banana for breakfast, green shakes for snacks(2), a big plate of veggie slices with avocado(mushed up with lemon and garlic powder) for lunch, and oats again for dinner. I also have a grapefruit before bed usually. I am having to really get simple because of my digestive system(as a result of my past). It is so sensitive. I have to be really careful what I eat. I do drink hot tea and coffee. This is a great improvement! I used to drink soda all the time. Now when I drink it, I am in pain on the floor from all the gas bubbles it gives me. I am so thankful that now I pay for choosing to drink them. It gives me so much motivation.

New labels section

You can see I have added an area for labels. I need to go through all my old posts and label them. Right now there is only a limited amount there.

Restful Day

We didn't go to church yesterday. Kaitlyn is like a leaky faucet. I am finding tissue everywhere! Toby was coming down with the same thing but I started him on zicam and he seems to be doing better. We just hung out at the house and had fun. Jason loves spending time with the kids. He made the comment to me "Today was a good day". I know that look in his eyes - he is refreshed. Sometimes the weekend tends to be a bit hectic with the grocery shopping, stuff that needs to get done, and church. Sometimes we look at each other at night and you can tell that neither of us are ready for the week. LOL This week should be rather straight forward. Nothing major is happening. The kids want me to continue to teach out of their school books so I will still do that. I am also going to seek out learning opportunities outside of our school books. They really enjoy that. One thing that we like alot is Google Earth. It is so useful when reading about a landmark or goegraphic location. You can see the Eiffel Tower, Statue of Liberty, and many more things! The other week we watched a video on Youtube of a guy flying over where the Jordan River meets The Sea of Galilee(We were reading about John the Baptist). It was awesome. There are so many resources available outside of our books!

Changes

As you can see, I have been playing around with my blog. Sorry about the radio thing. I thought I took it off. I now have a 3 column blog! Yay, thanks to my hubby. I am going to be adding some(hopefully)cool things so check back later.

The Generous Giver

I just wanted to say Thank You to Aimee for her gift. She had a little contest going on over there and I won. She gave me a Cd(Valley of Vision-I love it), a candle, 3 yogi tea bags(I will try today), a sweet card, and a cool bag called a wrap sack. Thank you so much! I love everything. The best part was that she gave it to me in person because she lives in the area. She is also the sister of a lady that goes to my church. How neat is that? Last night in our bible study at church(we are doing Beth Moore's "Stepping Up") we talked about giving. That is something I need to do more of! I want the children to grow up knowing how to give. I will be talking with them today about ways we can change. Thanks Aimee for your inspiration.

MySpace Pictures

Have you ever searched for anyone on Myspace? I did a search for my sister today and I couldn't help but laughing. Let's "face" it. People just look silly trying to be seductive! It really cracked me up. Go look for yourself(be careful what you search for). And please, if you have a myspace account and you have one of those pics, go change it.

Inviting Company Over

Do you invite people over? I rarely invite people over and it made me wonder why. I think several things are at play here. When I was little, I never wanted anyone to see how filthy my house was(my Mom was severly depressed and my Dad didn't have time to clean because he was working 2-3 jobs sometimes.) Therefore, I rarely invited anyone over. Dh never even saw the house I was living in when we met. I lived there for 2 years before we moved. Also, I think why would anyone want to spend time with me or my family? No one else has this many kids so surely they wouldn't want to come over in the midst of us. I was specifically thinking about a couple at my church who have kept our kids on 2 occasions. They have a young son who the kids love to play with. I have never invited them over. It dawned on me that this might seem rude. However, what if they don't want him to come over? What if they don't trust me as a caretaker? Do any of you feel this way. Is this silly thinking? I guess they could say that they don't want him to come over, period. But, I don't want to put them in that situation and I surely don't want to feel unworthy. What do you think?

Unschooling..letting kids dictate their own bedtime

Recently I posted a question to an unschooling board in response to a conversation about letting the kids dictate their own bedtime. It seems there were many Moms who did this. This was my question, the response that I got, and how I responded back..
~Question:
I am new to the group and am enjoying all the conversations! I was reading about letting the kids stay up and I have a question. When do you get time in with Dh? Right now we put the kids to bed at 7:30 and then we have a snack and play cards. We talk about the day and Dh then starts work on his computer stuff(a hopeful home business) and I either go to bed or clean up etc..If we tried this with the kids up, we wouldn’t be able to have an adult conversation. I don’t mind the lack of me time because I get up early in the morning so that I have me time but Dh can’t stay up till 12 because he has to get up for work. So, when do you ladies spend time with your husbands? Thanks!
~Response I got:
those of us as children who were sent to bed because of "adult time'
are tricked into thinking this is some type of sacred time-- at my
house it is called family time. What is wrong with family time? You
have to get out of the mindset that YOUR life begins when the
children are to bed. OUr life IS the family and there is nothing
about adult time that the kids can not be part of.

~How I responded back:
I disagree. My husband comes before my children. It’s important to us to have this time to talk about our relationship and where God is taking us. This is also the time that we are intimate. That obviously can’t be family time. LOL When my children choose to leave our home I want to know my husband. I want to look back and remember the intimate quiet times with him. As for the kids, he plays with them for an hour before bed. He chases them around the house, helps them play the wii, and teaches them how to draw 3d in blender. So, he is VERY “family” oriented. It’s not like he doesn’t want to spend time with them. He takes the baby at night(he’s 4 months) and always has. You see what I am trying to say? I feel like that there should be clear definable times when Mom’s and Dad’s relationship should be nourished and refreshed. I am not trying to start an argument or anything, just asking to see how others structure this time in with letting the kids stay up. Thanks.
P.S. I don’t feel like my life begins when the kids go to bed. I feel like it’s just another part of the day, one I hold close to my heart because this is the man that God has given me and my kids. I get to know him better. This is our 10th year of marriage so I can say, without a doubt, that God holds us together. It’s at these quiet times also that we seek him and his will for our family. We include the kids in prayer, etc.. but at these times, it’s us before the Father.
Now, for those unschoolers out there, what is your response? I really am just curious, not really trying to argue. For anyone else out there who wishes to respond, be my guest!

****Editing to say Thanks to all those folks who emailed me and supported my thoughts on this subject! The point was made that we can unschool without unparenting.

Mustard Greens in Green Shakes and Banana Milk

~If you try mustard greens in your green shakes, do you find that it gets spicier after it sits? It's already a little on the spicy side, to me anyway. It was really good though, until I let it sit for a while in the frig.
~Have you ever tried blending a banana in some water and putting it in your raw oats? Let it sit for a bit. It tastes like banana milk! Add some nuts and it is so good.

We finally got the car fixed last week and we got to all go to church yesterday. Man, there is something special about everyone going. we had wonderful services because this is Missions Festival week. So, we got to listen to the missionaries talk about the places they have been and are planning on going. It was very humbling. It makes me want to throw out all of my luxuries and rebel against the world of modernization. Oh wait, that includes Internet. Don't think I could do that! I get so much support from some wonderful ladies at cmomb.com and Momys.net. Truly wise and blessed women. Many other things I could(and do in some cases) live without like tv, video games, convenience foods, clothes that are overpriced, and the list goes on. I have stopped wearing makeup because I realized that it's useless. Dh said he likes it better when I don't wear makeup! So, I don't have to pay for the product and I don't have to give the government any money to look "pretty". The question I have been asking myself is "What do I really need?" I think this is a question that needs to get asked often because we have different needs at different times in our lives. It also changes from person to person. If I didn't have children I might just do away with health insurance(though I don't know if that would be a wise choice..LOL) It makes me sooo angry at the wastefulness of our government AND our own wastefulness. When I was working at the Hyatt(a while back!) the company gave everyone a huge turkey. This was all wonderful and everything but most of the people were not living in want. They didn't need it. Half of them just left it in their freezer. So, I decided I would write the president a proposal to give all the turkeys away that people weren't going to use. We could give it away to the poor. I did add that it would be beneficial financially if they put news of their generosity in the paper. Well, they decided to give the turkeys away to the poor and guess what, it was in the paper! At least I made a small impact. I believe they still do this to this day(Where I worked, I don't think this went national). So, a challenge to me and to all of us is to find ways of being less wasteful and in the process maybe we can actually become useful.

Our home is protected

This is pretty funny. A couple of days ago At&T came out and just started digging up our front yard to change out something. Dh was a little disturbed because there was SOME grass there(and we really don't have much in the first place..LOL) but he didn't fuss about it. Then, we got up the other morning and Dh goes to get in the car and he comes back in. He looks at me and says, "Do you notice anything different about our yard? Is there something missing?" I looked out and realized we had no mailbox!! Someone had completely taken down our mailbox and left a huge tire mark in our yard(near the road..but still). Dh fixed it yesterday and when he came in he explained his view on things. Satan doesn't like our yard obviously. But, we think that there is a circle of Angels surrounding our home. All these things are Satan's attempt to get at us but God's army has surrounded us! All God has allowed him to have is a measly piece of land! Thank you God.

Trip down memory lane..

This morning I was cleaning out the guest room and just had to stop and look at some old pictures. I love looking back! It's so fun to see how we change. It brings back so many feelings and memories. I am going to upload some of my favorites today. Needless to say, I have yet to clean up the room. LOL :(

My sister and I when I was 10 LOL

My younger sister and I.

This is in Moldova Russia. I went there on a mission trip. This was at the house where we always ate. They were so kind. Beside me is our interpreter.

This was in the Mayor's office in Moldova, I believe. As you can see, I was surrounded by "wisdom" LOL I was only 14 but I had a heart for missions even then. My pastor(Pastor Rob is on the far left) was a very good friend of mine.

Jason and I at his prom. I was 16.

My family just a year ago! It was a great day.

Love walking down memory lane...

~Contentment is accepting from God's hand what he sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good.

My Son's favorite song

I would LOVE to be in the choir on this one. Can you imagine? Dh says that it sounds like good/evil in battle.

Oh Father God,
I praise you for your unfailing love, it's pureness and strength made new to me every morning.
If only I could see it's vastness, surely I would never forget!
You carry me with your words that are carefully infused into tones that produce songs of hope and joy.
Thank you for the beauty of physically hearing. Thank you for allowing me to be touched by reading inspired words from Heaven.
Thank you for using these blessings to grant peace to me. Help me to remember your word, to treasure it in the deepest part of my mind and heart.

Beautiful song

Ok, climbing down off of Mount Whine-a-lot

Man, I feel silly. I started reading a book called "Calm my Anxious Heart". In the beginning she talks about being content. She gives practical ways to showing(and eventually feeling) contentment. I do NOT do these things. In fact, I do the opposite most of the time. One of the things that I am guilty of is thinking I am in a different place just to get past the rough times during the day. Kind of daydreaming in a way. Also, I will constantly tell myself, it's going to get better. This is the wrong way to think(especially considering I have NO idea if it really will get better LOL). We need to enjoy our lives where we are at. In the times when we need help, we ask God to give us the strength to live in it , rather than live somewhere else in our heads. I am really summarizing here so if you have read the book, don't bash me for not getting it quite right. It's very good so far, just started this morning. One of the ways to be content is to not complain about anything. Boy, I hang my head in shame here. For those that read my blog, I know that you know, I am bad about this. So, here's to a new start. I always tell my kids not to complain, I guess it's my turn. :)

A Very Boonie visit

My sister, or Boonie Bug as I like to call her, visited yesterday. I always enjoy her visits. It's funny because we weren't always good friends. She was a REALLY bad sister! She was sooo mean to me. We were talking about this yesterday and had several good laughs. I asked her why she didn't play with me. Why did she take the heads off of my barbie dolls. She said she took the heads off because I wouldn't let them marry Cecil, her stuffed animal monkey looking thing. I don't remember that, but it is funny! She said she was mean to me because she always got into trouble for stuff that I did(take the hairbrush, lose something). Nothing big she said. One time she hid my shoes for church and Mom got really angry. I am told, though I don't remember anything, that Mom drug me down the hall by my hair. She said she felt bad. I remember the shoes being lost but I guess I was too traumatized to remember the rest! LOL At any rate, we had a great time. I wish she lived closer. She and I are really close now. I hope my kids have a great relationship like that.

Break

I am brewing coffee, mid morning. We are not "doing school" today. I am tossing some ideas around about how I school the kids so I needed to step back and take a break. Probably NOT a good idea because I do better with structure BUT what we are doing just doesn't seem right. It doesn't feel right. Yes, it's the norm but it just seems so meaningless. Surely there is a better way to instill the LOVE of learning without *realizing* it's learning. Unschooling seems to be the only thing close to what I am thinking about but I just don't feel that radical unschooling is biblical. Many of us DO NOT want to get up everyday and study God's word even though we know it produces positive results. What makes (christian)unschoolers think that their children will feel differently than them? So, I am thinking everything through and processing it. I just wish I didn't have other things to *process*. I wish that I could just work on an issue in my mind, put it in a box when I can't deal with it, and shelve it until I can handle it again. Instead, my mind works like this huge tornado, picking up things as life moves on. Each little issue being twirled around with everything else. I realize that God gives the ability to put to rest these issues but it just doesn't seem to be working for me. The thing is, I feel terrible for even THINKING I have it tough. When faced with someone that has it much worse than me(sister, people in other countries), I feel ashamed. BUT, that doesn't take away that overwhelming feeling. I feel so silly sometimes when someone knows I am having a hard time but they don't really know the whole picture. It's NOT just that I have all these kids. I think if it were only that I *might* be ok. It's that I am REALLY bad at socializing, I am constantly having to deal with ED issues(the biggest stresser for me), I have no family near me, and I am NOT one of those perfect Mothers who gets everything right and washes the sheets every week. Boy, sorry for all the woe is me post lately. As you can tell, it's been tough. I think this season will get better once Andrew gets a little bigger. I pray.

Week in review

This past week was tuff, not as bad as the week before though. The kids and I had a lot of good times that I am thankful for. I really tribute it to God. I specifically prayed for several things(not material things) this week and by his grace and mercy I was able to praise him for them. We are still a one car family but our church family has graciously stepped in and is offering to give us a ride to church. It's been hard accepting help because it is a form of humility. I wanted to specifically shout out a I'M OK!!! to my mom(my mama Sue mom) who has been worried about me. You have rightly been worried for there has been some CRAZY, UNPRODUCTIVE, and seemingly MEANINGLESS days this month but God is good and he is always there when I wake up in the morning. When the sun hasn't shown its light, the babies are sleeping, and it's just me. In this big house, amidst the undeniable presence of God, there is peace.

Taking care of "family"

I just had to write another entry today. The Church we are going to has really shown us what being a part of a church "family" is all about. Specifically, a couple in leadership have been giving to us as if we were truely family. I am so grateful, though I don't really know how to show it. My own family hasn't given to me as much as this couple has. I wish they knew how much it meant to me, depsite my feeble attempts at showing it. How do you show someone that you appreciate what they are doing? A card, words, or doing something for them? Maybe a card would be best. Yes, I will send them a thank you card. There are not many churches that treat their members as family. The last example I saw of this was when one of my family members got into some financial problems and the church stepped in, happy and excited to help! I was so grateful. Thank you God for all of those people out there striving to bless you through blessing others. Help me to grow into a Godly woman that seeks to glorify you through the building up of other believers!

I wanted to add something to my last post. I am wrong to be depressed about what might happen tomorrow, I realize this and am working on "doing everything to the glory of the Lord". Finding joy is only as far away as finding God and, obviously, he is always here. I know this and yet it is such a struggle.

Yesterday was nice. I took the older kids to Church while Jason stayed home with Andrew and Alex. It was nice to go but I did get a little upset. Lately it's been really hard to enjoy 'today" because I am worrying or getting stressed just thinking about how I am going to handle tomorrow. Seeing people at Church just reminded me how lonely I am(I have Jason of course but he can't be here during the day.) I can't really get invovled in anything during the day because it is so hard with all the kids to do anything. Since it's winter most of the things that we could do cost money. It's not so bad paying $7 to go to Edventure for one kid but when you multiply that 6 times, it's something totally different! I thought about trying to have something here at the house but I can't devote time to a sewing group and it's too noisy to do a reading group. I would love to teach or "share" what I am learning about music but not very many people care that there are 70 octaves in our frequency spectrum, only 7 of which can be musically effective. Think of what it will be like in heaven when we are not limited by our bodies! Wow. Bottom line is, this season is tuff! Next year will be better but tomorrow might be worse.

Un-events

These days are pretty uneventful. We are stuck at home for the most part. Jason's car needs breaks so he has been taking mine. Alex is really itching to get out! Last night Jason took all the littles to Sam's. We are hoping to get the breaks done or either get a third row seat put in to replace our second row seat in my car. Then I can take Jason to work because we will all fit in one car. We will see.

Blessing in disguise

We are sick-again! Charlotte was up all night last night vomiting. Yuk. Andrew also had it last night but not near as bad as Charlotte. We only have one drivable car at the moment so we have been staying home a lot. It's a good thing I guess since we are carrying around this virus. So the 1st day of the year wasn't so great for us! I am praying that that is not an indication of what the year will be like. Ugh